Funny And Interesting Video Clips Thread + Jokes and Funny SMS

[sakayani]

Re: Best Political Joke For Juma----Ceiling Fan

Crackers

 

[gazoomartian]

Two Jokes For the Weekend Fun

(1)

Hearing so many people speaking about his intelligence level, George W Bush decided to get his brain checked.

The physician diagnosis was as follows:

'Mr. President, your brain is two parts, the left and the right, like all normal people. And for proper functioning there has to be a connection with an element of each one in the other part. But the problem is that; in your left brain there is nothing right, and in your right brain there is nothing left.' [hilar] [hilar]




(2)

George W Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said.

"This is Sheeda from Chuk no -3, District Gujrat , Pakistan . I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Sheeda," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Sheeda, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Basheera, my next door neighbor Karam Deen, and the entire kabaddi team from the village. That makes eight"

Bush paused. "I must tell you, Sheeda that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"BLOODY Hell " said Sheeda. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Sheeda called again.

"Mr. Bush, it is Sheeda, I'm calling from Chuk no-3 Gujrat, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Sheeda?" Bush asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amjad's tractor."

Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Sheeda, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri (oops)....." said Sheeda. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough Sheeda rang again the next day. "Mr. Bush,the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne ......We've modified Amjads's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four boys from Sahiwal have joined us as well!"

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Sheeda, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera phala hove ...." said Sheeda, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Sheeda called again the next day. "Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Sheeda, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of days and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners!!." [hilar] [hilar] [hilar]

 

[sangeen]

Re: Two Jokes For the Weekend Fun

beta gazzzoooo tu to gaya..... Fawad Digital Bush ko CHUGHLI laga kar tumhe whitehouse mae murgha bana dega... hehehehe... Aur Altaf Hussain bhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai London se Bush ki safai suthraaai mae ek lambi taqreer thok dega.... es bat par forum mae mojood sare mqm supporters Ala Hazrat Bush (zehmatullah ale) ka difa karne ajaengen aur do char nipali Pandit bhi apna ullu sidha karane ki koshish karengen... bas Gazzoo bhaai lub-lubab yeh hae ke meri MUASHRATI ULLOM ke hisab se ab ap ka kuch nahi ho sakta.... [hilar]

 

[gazoomartian]

Re: Two Jokes For the Weekend Fun

beta gazzzoooo tu to gaya..... Fawad Digital Bush ko CHUGHLI laga kar tumhe whitehouse mae murgha bana dega... hehehehe... Aur Altaf Hussain bhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai London se Bush ki safai suthraaai mae ek lambi taqreer thok dega.... es bat par forum mae mojood sare mqm supporters Ala Hazrat Bush (zehmatullah ale) ka difa karne ajaengen aur do char nipali Pandit bhi apna ullu sidha karane ki koshish karengen... bas Gazzoo bhaai lub-lubab yeh hae ke meri MUASHRATI ULLOM ke hisab se ab ap ka kuch nahi ho sakta....

Cukroon Coon!!! I am already a mrgha LOL

zehmatullah ale [hilar] [hilar]

Ullu bhi kaheen ullu sidhan kartey hain?? [funnny]

I just received it email, I thought post them here for fun

by the way its Balckhouse now not Whitehouse [hilar] [hilar]

 

[furry87]

Re: Two Jokes For the Weekend Fun

hahaha good one gazoo

 

[gazoomartian]

Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now, Jokes - Vol 1

1. A blonde noticed that she had been short changed in pay. She visited the payroll manager and angrily expressed her disgust about the problem.

The manager was a bit taken aback at the anger that the employee had shown.
He asked: I do not understand why you are so upset at this. In last check we overpaid you in error but you are upset only this time, why is that?

Blonde replied: I know I was overpaid last time but this short pay really pissed me off. I just cant stand two mistakes in a row [hilar] [hilar]

2. Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.

They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impress ed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your
partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick." [hilar] [hilar]

 

[Afsr]

Re: Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now With These Jokes LOL

[funnny]

 

[Siasati]

Re: Lahori's Random, Funny And Interesting Clips Thread

Pakistani Shahrukh Khan :P

 

[gazoomartian]

Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now, Jokes - Vol 2

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________ _________ ______

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?
____________ _________ ______

ATTORNEY: She had three children, is that correct?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
____________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.

____________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that question?
____________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
____________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________ _________ _________ And the best for last: ---

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, he could have been alive and practicing law.

[hilar] [hilar] [hilar]

 

[arnold_mic]

Re: Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now, Jokes - Vol 2

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________



ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

 

[gazoomartian]

Re: Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now, Jokes - Vol 2

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________



ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

[hilar] [hilar]

 

[sarbakaf]

Re: Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now, Jokes - Vol 2

nice one .............. [hilar] [hilar] [hilar]

 

[zuby]

Re: Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now, Jokes - Vol 2

in pakistan att

orney.....how many children you have from this weddlock witness......three attoney .....are you married witness.....what?

 

[zuby]

Re: Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now, Jokes - Vol 2

in pakistan attorney.....are you married? witness......no attorney...how many children you have/

 

[biomat]

Re: Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now, Jokes - Vol 2

Salam
Great share.. [hilar]

 

[gazoomartian]

Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now, Jokes - Vol 3

Salam all

I was cleaning up my folders and found this that was sent to me by a brother in 2001. That person may be one of you. Anyways, enjoy the high-tech nazam. [hilar] [hilar]

 

[gazoomartian]

Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now, Jokes - Vol 4 Mar 27/10

***** Clean jokes ******


1. The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a Great Chest you have!"

He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby." He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive Calves you have!"

The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby." He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was !!!!!! [hilar] [hilar]


2. A guy is 81 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll then will give you more sexual pleasure than you ever could have dreamed of."

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age Id rather have a talking frog."

[hilar] [hilar]

 

[msmirza007]

Re: Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now, Jokes - Vol 4 Mar 27/

what a bullshit. these r clean jokes. [anger]

 

[anwar4689]

Re: Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now, Jokes - Vol 4 Mar 27/

dear please dont tell your family jokes to public, thanks

 

[gazoomartian]

Re: Too Much Grief - Have a Laugh Now, Jokes - Vol 4 Mar 27/

dear please dont tell your family jokes to public, thanks

like the comemrcial says: From Our Family To Yours [pk flag]