Funny And Interesting Video Clips Thread + Jokes and Funny SMS
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casper_iam
MPA (400+ posts)
casper_iam
MPA (400+ posts)
FaisalLatif
Councller (250+ posts)
FUNNY as *&%@: Pyaar Kia Tou Nibhaana!
Geek
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Re: Jokes / SMS Thread
Ek Aurat ne 10 Saal k Bachay ko Cigarette Peety Dekha to Reh Na Saki,
Aur Bachay se Kaha:
Kia Tumary Parents ko Maloom hai k Tum Cigarette Peety ho...?
Bacha: (Mun se Dhuwan Chhorhte huye): "Mohtarma!" Kya Aapke Shohar Ko Maloom hai K Aap Kisi Ghair Mard Se Baat Kar Rahi Hain....?
Ek Aurat ne 10 Saal k Bachay ko Cigarette Peety Dekha to Reh Na Saki,
Aur Bachay se Kaha:
Kia Tumary Parents ko Maloom hai k Tum Cigarette Peety ho...?
Bacha: (Mun se Dhuwan Chhorhte huye): "Mohtarma!" Kya Aapke Shohar Ko Maloom hai K Aap Kisi Ghair Mard Se Baat Kar Rahi Hain....?
haqiqat
MPA (400+ posts)
M
MrImranKhan
Guest
Lie Clock
A man died and went to heaven. He saw a huge wall of clocks in front of him.
He asked the angel, 'What are all those clocks?'
Angel answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'
'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
'That's Mohammad Bin Qasims. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie.'
'Incredible,' said the man'. And whose clock is that one?'
Angel responded, 'That's Liaquat Ali Khans. The hands have moved twice, telling us that he told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's President Zardari's clock?' asked the man.
'Zardari's clock is in our office.
We are using it as a ceiling fan.
[hilar][hilar][hilar][hilar][hilar][hilar][hilar][hilar]
A man died and went to heaven. He saw a huge wall of clocks in front of him.
He asked the angel, 'What are all those clocks?'
Angel answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'
'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
'That's Mohammad Bin Qasims. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie.'
'Incredible,' said the man'. And whose clock is that one?'
Angel responded, 'That's Liaquat Ali Khans. The hands have moved twice, telling us that he told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's President Zardari's clock?' asked the man.
'Zardari's clock is in our office.
We are using it as a ceiling fan.
[hilar][hilar][hilar][hilar][hilar][hilar][hilar][hilar]
canadian
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Re: Jokes / SMS Thread
Hoor choopoo
Dear Wife,
Dear Wife,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years
and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night. You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case....I'm gone.
Signed,
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me.
Your sister and I are moving away
to West Virginia together. Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man' is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't work.
Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week.....and actually the first thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl" but my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99...
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you've always wanted.
My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care. Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla'...was born Carl(Man). I hope that's not a problem for you.
and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night. You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case....I'm gone.
Signed,
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me.
Your sister and I are moving away
to West Virginia together. Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man' is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't work.
Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week.....and actually the first thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl" but my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99...
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you've always wanted.
My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care. Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla'...was born Carl(Man). I hope that's not a problem for you.
canadian
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Re: Jokes / SMS Thread
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The Older Crowd
A distraught senior citizen
Phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know,
'that the medication
You prescribed has to be taken
For the rest of my life?'
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
Before the senior lady replied,
I'm wondering, then,
Just how serious is my condition
Because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'....'
Propagated by GerryKA2ALT 5/31/10
An older gentleman was
On the operating table
Awaiting surgery
And he insisted that his son,
A renowned surgeon,
Perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
He asked to speak to his son.
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '
'Don't be nervous, son;
Do your best
And just remember,
If it doesn't go well,
If something happens to me,
Your mother
Is going to come and
Live with you and your wife....'
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point
When you stop lying about your age
And start bragging about it.
The older we get,
The fewer things
Seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people
Try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know 'why'
I look this way.
I've traveled a long way
And some of the roads weren't paved..
When you are dissatisfied
And would like to go back to youth,
Think of algebra.
You know you are getting old when
Everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things
No one tells you about aging
Is that it is such a nice change
From being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful,
But being old is comfortable.
First you forget names,
Then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when
You forget to pull it down....
Long ago
When men cursed
And beat the ground with sticks,
It was called witchcraft....
Today, it's called golf.
Two old guys
Are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
When they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy,
'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
And I guess I wasn't paying attention
To where I was going.
The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence..
I'm looking for my wife, too..'
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate'
The first old guy says, 'Well,
Maybe I can help you find her..
What does she look like?'
The second old guy says,
'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,
With red hair, blue eyes, long legs,
And is wearing short shorts..
What does your wife look like?'
To which the first old guy says,
'Doesn't matter,
--- let's look for yours.'
Lord,
Please keep Your arm around my shoulder,
[FONT=Times
] [/FONT]
[FONT=Times
]
[FONT=Times
] [/FONT]
[FONT=Times
] [/FONT]
The Older Crowd
A distraught senior citizen
Phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know,
'that the medication
You prescribed has to be taken
For the rest of my life?'
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
Before the senior lady replied,
I'm wondering, then,
Just how serious is my condition
Because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'....'
Propagated by GerryKA2ALT 5/31/10
An older gentleman was
On the operating table
Awaiting surgery
And he insisted that his son,
A renowned surgeon,
Perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
He asked to speak to his son.
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '
'Don't be nervous, son;
Do your best
And just remember,
If it doesn't go well,
If something happens to me,
Your mother
Is going to come and
Live with you and your wife....'
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point
When you stop lying about your age
And start bragging about it.
The older we get,
The fewer things
Seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people
Try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know 'why'
I look this way.
I've traveled a long way
And some of the roads weren't paved..
When you are dissatisfied
And would like to go back to youth,
Think of algebra.
You know you are getting old when
Everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things
No one tells you about aging
Is that it is such a nice change
From being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful,
But being old is comfortable.
First you forget names,
Then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when
You forget to pull it down....
Long ago
When men cursed
And beat the ground with sticks,
It was called witchcraft....
Today, it's called golf.
Two old guys
Are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
When they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy,
'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
And I guess I wasn't paying attention
To where I was going.
The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence..
I'm looking for my wife, too..'
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate'
The first old guy says, 'Well,
Maybe I can help you find her..
What does she look like?'
The second old guy says,
'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,
With red hair, blue eyes, long legs,
And is wearing short shorts..
What does your wife look like?'
To which the first old guy says,
'Doesn't matter,
--- let's look for yours.'
Lord,
Please keep Your arm around my shoulder,
And your hand over my mouth !
ahmadalikhan
MPA (400+ posts)
riverblue
MPA (400+ posts)
Re: Jokes / SMS Thread
santa singh ne job k liye apply kia.... jawab aya tou khushi mei ek grand party dai dali....doston ne farmaish ki k appointment letter dikhao.
santa itratay huay : yeh english mei hai... mai parh k sunata hun aur sath sath tarjuma karta hun....
"dear santa singh u do not meet..."
pyare santa singh ap tou miltay hi nahi
"our requirements"
ap hamari zaroorat ho
"no further correspondence"
aur zid na karain jaldi ajaein
"will be entertained"
khoob mazay kia karain gai :D
santa singh ne job k liye apply kia.... jawab aya tou khushi mei ek grand party dai dali....doston ne farmaish ki k appointment letter dikhao.
santa itratay huay : yeh english mei hai... mai parh k sunata hun aur sath sath tarjuma karta hun....
"dear santa singh u do not meet..."
pyare santa singh ap tou miltay hi nahi
"our requirements"
ap hamari zaroorat ho
"no further correspondence"
aur zid na karain jaldi ajaein
"will be entertained"
khoob mazay kia karain gai :D
canadian
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Re: Jokes / SMS Thread
: The old man
An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat. He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for us all here:
Never be arrogant. Don't waste ammunition. Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. Always, always make sure you know who has the power. Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.
: The old man
An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat. He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for us all here:
Never be arrogant. Don't waste ammunition. Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. Always, always make sure you know who has the power. Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.
