Funny And Interesting Video Clips Thread + Jokes and Funny SMS

famamdani

famamdani

Minister (2k+ posts)
Re: Joke of The Day

loadpictures.net
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canadian

canadian

Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Re: Lahori's Random, Funny And Interesting Clips Thread

Four old retired factory working guys are walking down a street at Fort Walton Beach , Florida . They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10 cents. ' They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this Is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?'

There was a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis, shaken, not stirred, and says, 'That'll be 10 cents each, please.'

The four men stare at the bartender for a moment. Then look at each other, they can't believe their good luck.
They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender saying, 'That's 40 cents, please.' They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand..
They have each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.
Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martini's as good as these for a dime a piece?"
'I'm a retired tailor from Boston ,' the bartender said, 'and I always wanted to own a bar.. Last year I hit the Lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime - wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same.'
Wow! That's quite a story,' says one of the men.
The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice seven other people at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, 'What's with them?'
The bartender says, 'Oh, them, they're all old retired Pilots , waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price. ;-)














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simple_and_peacefull

simple_and_peacefull

Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Installing Husband 1.0 (have a fun)

A desperate woman writes to the Technical support Guy,
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate Woman

DEAR DESPERATE Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. htmland try to download Tears 6.2and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applicationsJewelle ry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default toSilence 2.5, Happy Hour 7..0 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6. 1is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly (Beta Version).

Whatever you do, DO NOTunder any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!
 
simple_and_peacefull

simple_and_peacefull

Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Re: Installing Husband 1.0 (have a fun)

Problems installing Girlfriend 1.0


GirlFriend V 1.0:

Discretion advised when upgrading

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0.

A "Don't remind me again" button
Minimize button.
An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.

An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.

Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0

***** BUG WARNING ********

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

*** BUG WORK-AROUNDS ***************

To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.

Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidently be downloaded from the UseNet.

The only thing I would add to this is that if you search carefully, you can find one of the extremely rare Mistress 1.1a versions, which knows that Wife applications are running with priority, and which runs under cloaking, with no interest or attempts to upgrade itself to a Wife application.
 
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