10 things I hate about getting married

[mohib]

​

1. The bliss happily ever after begins now. The man of your dreams is finally going to be yours forever. So what if you only met him a month ago over weak tea and greasy samosas? Youre getting married; you must be walking on clouds, smiling as if you are the keeper of delicious secrets. The grooms receding hairline is not something that should be considered.
2. The build-up. Its five months before D-day and your mother bursts into emotional tears. Your father looks at you misty-eyed when you ask for extra cash. You try to explain that you arent dying of a terminal illness. Youre only moving five blocks away from where you had previously lived. But your mother cries again, and you wonder if marriage is a terminal illness after all.
3. The cold feet. All of your ex-es, even the ones you had written off, are now successful bankers. They were just waiting for you to begin to settle down this is obviously the perfect time to tell you they never got over you. You smile and tell them youre getting married in three weeks. You die a little inside.
4. The advice. Aunty Qudsia tells you the key to a succesful marriage is treating your mom-in-laws friends well. Nina aunty from London calls in to tell you she kept her husband from cheating by cooking lamb biryani. Everyone, from your maasi who gets beaten up every day to your closeted gay uncle with three kids and a secret boyfriend will enlighten you with their wisdom.
5. The family. Weddings are when you realize the worth of mass epidemics that wiped out entire civilizations. The tide of family that rains down to be a part of your joy day is enough to make you run off to Outer Mongolia to live out your days as a nomadic hermit.
6. The friends. Everyone, from the kid you used to beat up in sixth grade, to the receptionist you nod politely at every morning wants to be your best friend and be a part of the million dances that are being prepared by your friends. Say bye-bye to mulling over possibly the biggest change of your life because you, unfortunately, had an active social life and now its pay back time.
7. The trousseau. You now have a plethora of overworked clothes that you will only ever wear once and that cost enough to feed a family in Africa for decades. Doesnt matter, you are getting married which means that you will sleep in a benarsi saree, go to the loo decked in your grandmothers diamond set and have enough gold in your locker to pay off Pakistans national debt.
8. The events. Let the festivities begin! Thirty six weeks before the day itself, of course. Between your friends and family, your wedding now consists of thirteen pre-dholkis, seven mehndis, five post-dholkis, a few thousand dance practices, sixteen bachelor/bachelorette parties and so on. Your dad will most probably get an aneurysm when the bills finally start coming in.
9. D-day. This is it, the day you have been waiting for ever since your mother first made you watch Cinderella has arrived. You will spend it hyperventilating or in a state of numbed oblivion depending on how you deal with stress. By the end of it nothing registers and all you want on the most special day of your life is a valium, or twelve.
10. The now-what. The circus is over. You are exhausted, alone and disoriented with a mountain of unpacking and settling in to do. Welcome to the rest of your life.
Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, January 23rd, 2011.

http://tribune.com.pk/story/105722/10-things-i-hate-about-getting-married/

 

[wanderer]

​

1. The bliss — happily ever after begins now. The man of your dreams is finally going to be yours forever. So what if you only met him a month ago over weak tea and greasy samosas? You’re getting married; you must be walking on clouds, smiling as if you are the keeper of delicious secrets. The groom’s receding hairline is not something that should be considered.
2. The build-up. It’s five months before D-day and your mother bursts into emotional tears. Your father looks at you misty-eyed when you ask for extra cash. You try to explain that you aren’t dying of a terminal illness. You’re only moving five blocks away from where you had previously lived. But your mother cries again, and you wonder if marriage is a terminal illness after all.
3. The cold feet. All of your ex-es, even the ones you had written off, are now successful bankers. They were just waiting for you to begin to settle down — this is obviously the perfect time to tell you they never got over you. You smile and tell them you’re getting married in three weeks. You die a little inside.
4. The advice. Aunty Qudsia tells you the key to a succesful marriage is treating your mom-in-law’s friends well. Nina aunty from London calls in to tell you she kept her husband from cheating by cooking lamb biryani. Everyone, from your maasi who gets beaten up every day to your closeted gay uncle with three kids and a secret boyfriend will enlighten you with their wisdom.
5. The family. Weddings are when you realize the worth of mass epidemics that wiped out entire civilizations. The tide of family that rains down to be a part of your joy day is enough to make you run off to Outer Mongolia to live out your days as a nomadic hermit.
6. The friends. Everyone, from the kid you used to beat up in sixth grade, to the receptionist you nod politely at every morning wants to be your best friend and be a part of the million dances that are being prepared by your ‘friends’. Say ‘bye-bye’ to mulling over possibly the biggest change of your life because you, unfortunately, had an active social life and now its pay back time.
7. The trousseau. You now have a plethora of overworked clothes that you will only ever wear once and that cost enough to feed a family in Africa for decades. Doesn’t matter, you are getting married which means that you will sleep in a benarsi saree, go to the loo decked in your grandmother’s diamond set and have enough gold in your locker to pay off Pakistan’s national debt.
8. The events. Let the festivities begin! Thirty six weeks before the day itself, of course. Between your friends and family, your wedding now consists of thirteen pre-dholkis, seven mehndis, five post-dholkis, a few thousand dance practices, sixteen bachelor/bachelorette parties and so on. Your dad will most probably get an aneurysm when the bills finally start coming in.
9. D-day. This is it, the day you have been waiting for ever since your mother first made you watch Cinderella has arrived. You will spend it hyperventilating or in a state of numbed oblivion depending on how you deal with stress. By the end of it nothing registers and all you want on the most special day of your life is a valium, or twelve.
10. The now-what. The circus is over. You are exhausted, alone and disoriented with a mountain of unpacking and settling in to do. Welcome to the rest of your life.
Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, January 23rd, 2011.

http://tribune.com.pk/story/105722/10-things-i-hate-about-getting-married/

Wonderful read. But since all the dholki and bachelorette will be funded by friends and best friends, so in the end it wont be so bad after all. There is more to add to this, the hassle of measurments and back and forth tailoring must also be tiresome. There is no where mention of the anxiety and apprehension of making this "GROOM's" home, your new home. But all in all good post.

 

[usman6062]

Allah say maafi mango……Nikaah aik sunnat hai….iss say hate nayi kero…….
Allah hum sub ko hidayat day..inshAllah.Ameen

 

[haqiqat]

huzoor pakpbuh ne irshad furmaya jiz ney nikha nahi kia woh hum me se nahi

 

[canadian]

The Lunancy Of The Pakistani Wedding !!!

The lunacy of the Pakistani wedding

By Farooq Tirmizi
Published: January 23, 2011

If there is any hope for sanity amidst the financial absurdity of Pakistani weddings, it must come from the growing class of urban professionals.


Tis the season of weddings in Pakistan, the time of year when relatives fly in from all over the world to gather at the gold-dipped, henna-encrusted, week-long dance-fest that is almost mandatory for anybody seeking to tie the knot in the land of the pure.
Given that fun seems to be generally illegal in the country, weddings seem to be the only excuse for people to escape the drudgery of their boring lives. Yet from a financial perspective, this culture of over-the-top nuptials could not possibly be more ruinous.
Having worked as a financial advisor in Karachi, Im all too familiar with the fact that most people are not smart enough to plan out their financial future. Yet the few who are list their childrens wedding as one of their major life expenses, alongside infinitely more justifiable investments such as buying a house, saving for their childrens education and perhaps even their own retirement, are just plain unhinged. And unfortunately, there seems to be no movement in the works aimed at striking the conspicuous consumption of weddings off the list of acceptable cultural behaviour.
So just how excessive are Pakistani weddings? One can judge through a set of comparisons. An American friend of mine recently got married and had what constitutes a reasonably elaborate wedding in upper middle-class America: with around 500 guests, the event cost her around $50,000. To put that in perspective, that is less than three months of the combined incomes of the couple and less than the average per capita income of the United States.
By contrast, a friend who got married in Pakistan had a wedding that was deemed somewhat low-key by upper middle-class Pakistani standards and yet still managed to cost more than 40 times the average national income of the country. If the couple each had an income equal to mine, the bill would equal more than a year and a half worth of salaries for the two of them combined.
From a financial perspective, there is absolutely no justification for spending that much money to entertain a whole host of people, most of whom only love to bicker and complain rather than act as a genuine support network. The old canard about financial folly is especially applicable to Pakistani weddings: people spend money they do not have to buy something they do not need to impress people they do not like.
Why do we spend so much on weddings? The most obvious reason: a Pakistani wedding has multiple events that typically stretch over a week, as opposed to other cultures that have just one reception. That alone ratchets up the costs considerably. And while having multiple events does have a basis in tradition, the recent surge in the importance of hitherto side-events like the mehndi has its roots in other phenomena.
As Pakistani society has grown more overtly conservative, weddings remain one of the few culturally acceptable venues for men and women to meet without restriction and even dance with each other. In other words, a mehndi is simply a substitute for a nightclub.
The number of events is not the only problem; there is also the nature of each event. There are elaborate decorations for each, the food must be exquisitely catered and the women must be more bejewelled than display cases at Saks Fifth Avenue. If there is any human cost to the weddings, surely it is borne by the women, who must go through all of the gruelling stress of preparing for the wedding, choreograph the dances, manage many of the events and still look stunningly beautiful while doing it all.
Yet it is the women who seem to love the traditional, and very expensive, wedding format the most. Of the several men I spoke to about weddings, hardly any was supportive of spending significant amounts of money or even having more than one event. The women, on the other hand, were a completely different story.
They all tried to hide behind the shrivelled cloak of cultural legitimacy but most women who chose to discuss their nuptial plans made it very clear that they wanted to have what the rest of the world considers an elaborate wedding.
The phrases used to justify the extravagance ranged from people will talk if you dont have an elaborate wedding, to I just want a traditional wedding and there is social capital being built at weddings. But the bottom line was obvious: these women have never paid a bill in their life and, despite many of them having jobs, they never will. Cost just does not seem to be factor in their thinking.
Not all women had that attitude, of course. A woman from the Dawoodi Bohra community, for example, seemed to value her communitys emphasis on simplicity. Several professional women from Karachi and Lahore want small, intimate weddings attended only by people who matter to them and their spouse, rather than their fathers prospective clients. But these brave souls are the exception rather than the rule.
By and large, women in Pakistan love big weddings and the men had better foot the bill or else there will be hell to pay. This is not to say that the men do not enjoy the festivities, of course, nor that many women are not in favour of extravagance, nor even that some women do not help pay for their own weddings. But, on balance, what the woman wants is usually closer to what happens.
Take for instance, Khalid, an engineer who wanted to have a small, simple wedding. His wife is American-educated so he thought she would be supportive of the idea. But the lady put her foot down. She was going to have an old-fashioned wedding with all of the bells and whistles, and he had to go along with it.
If there is any hope for sanity amidst the financial absurdity of Pakistani weddings, it must come from the growing class of urban professionals, people who may simply not have the time or energy to spare from their careers to have a traditional series of ceremonies. Heres hoping the workaholics take over!(http://tribune.com.pk/story/105666/the-lunacy-of-the-pakistani-wedding/)

 

[wanderer]

Re: The Lunancy Of The Pakistani Wedding !!!

The lunacy of the Pakistani wedding

By Farooq Tirmizi
Published: January 23, 2011

If there is any hope for sanity amidst the financial absurdity of Pakistani weddings, it must come from the growing class of urban professionals.


‘Tis the season of weddings in Pakistan, the time of year when relatives fly in from all over the world to gather at the gold-dipped, henna-encrusted, week-long dance-fest that is almost mandatory for anybody seeking to tie the knot in the land of the pure.
Given that fun seems to be generally illegal in the country, weddings seem to be the only excuse for people to escape the drudgery of their boring lives. Yet from a financial perspective, this culture of over-the-top nuptials could not possibly be more ruinous.
Having worked as a financial advisor in Karachi, I’m all too familiar with the fact that most people are not smart enough to plan out their financial future. Yet the few who are list their children’s wedding as one of their major life expenses, alongside infinitely more justifiable investments such as buying a house, saving for their children’s education and perhaps even their own retirement, are just plain unhinged. And unfortunately, there seems to be no movement in the works aimed at striking the conspicuous consumption of weddings off the list of acceptable cultural behaviour.
So just how excessive are Pakistani weddings? One can judge through a set of comparisons. An American friend of mine recently got married and had what constitutes a reasonably elaborate wedding in upper middle-class America: with around 500 guests, the event cost her around $50,000. To put that in perspective, that is less than three months of the combined incomes of the couple and less than the average per capita income of the United States.
By contrast, a friend who got married in Pakistan had a wedding that was deemed somewhat low-key by upper middle-class Pakistani standards and yet still managed to cost more than 40 times the average national income of the country. If the couple each had an income equal to mine, the bill would equal more than a year and a half worth of salaries for the two of them combined.
From a financial perspective, there is absolutely no justification for spending that much money to entertain a whole host of people, most of whom only love to bicker and complain rather than act as a genuine support network. The old canard about financial folly is especially applicable to Pakistani weddings: people spend money they do not have to buy something they do not need to impress people they do not like.
Why do we spend so much on weddings? The most obvious reason: a Pakistani wedding has multiple events that typically stretch over a week, as opposed to other cultures that have just one reception. That alone ratchets up the costs considerably. And while having multiple events does have a basis in tradition, the recent surge in the importance of hitherto side-events like the mehndi has its roots in other phenomena.
As Pakistani society has grown more overtly conservative, weddings remain one of the few culturally acceptable venues for men and women to meet without restriction and even dance with each other. In other words, a mehndi is simply a substitute for a nightclub.
The number of events is not the only problem; there is also the nature of each event. There are elaborate decorations for each, the food must be exquisitely catered and the women must be more bejewelled than display cases at Saks Fifth Avenue. If there is any human cost to the weddings, surely it is borne by the women, who must go through all of the gruelling stress of preparing for the wedding, choreograph the dances, manage many of the events and still look stunningly beautiful while doing it all.
Yet it is the women who seem to love the traditional, and very expensive, wedding format the most. Of the several men I spoke to about weddings, hardly any was supportive of spending significant amounts of money or even having more than one event. The women, on the other hand, were a completely different story.
They all tried to hide behind the shrivelled cloak of cultural legitimacy but most women who chose to discuss their nuptial plans made it very clear that they wanted to have what the rest of the world considers an elaborate wedding.
The phrases used to justify the extravagance ranged from “people will talk if you don’t have an elaborate wedding,” to “I just want a traditional wedding” and “there is social capital being built at weddings.” But the bottom line was obvious: these women have never paid a bill in their life and, despite many of them having jobs, they never will. Cost just does not seem to be factor in their thinking.
Not all women had that attitude, of course. A woman from the Dawoodi Bohra community, for example, seemed to value her community’s emphasis on simplicity. Several professional women from Karachi and Lahore want small, intimate weddings attended only by people who matter to them and their spouse, rather than their father’s prospective clients. But these brave souls are the exception rather than the rule.
By and large, women in Pakistan love big weddings and the men had better foot the bill or else there will be hell to pay. This is not to say that the men do not enjoy the festivities, of course, nor that many women are not in favour of extravagance, nor even that some women do not help pay for their own weddings. But, on balance, what the woman wants is usually closer to what happens.
Take for instance, Khalid, an engineer who wanted to have a small, simple wedding. His wife is American-educated so he thought she would be supportive of the idea. But the lady put her foot down. She was going to have an old-fashioned wedding with all of the bells and whistles, and he had to go along with it.
If there is any hope for sanity amidst the financial absurdity of Pakistani weddings, it must come from the growing class of urban professionals, people who may simply not have the time or energy to spare from their careers to have a traditional series of ceremonies. Here’s hoping the workaholics take over!(http://tribune.com.pk/story/105666/the-lunacy-of-the-pakistani-wedding/)

Usually in Pakistan, in Muslim weddings the girl's family pays for the days they have the event and guys family foots the bill for his events. The guy NEVER pays for all. Only in the Arab countries the guy will pay for everything. Now people dont have the money to spare for these lavish ceremonies.

 

[Wadaich]

Re: The Lunancy Of The Pakistani Wedding !!!

Usually in Pakistan, in Muslim weddings the girl's family pays for the days they have the event and guys family foots the bill for his events. The guy NEVER pays for all. Only in the Arab countries the guy will pay for everything. Now people dont have the money to spare for these lavish ceremonies.

What is role model for us? The beacon of light/Noor the Last Prophetpbuh. How did he manage the marriage of hispbuh daughter (R.A) "The Syeda-tun-Nisa, the Syeda of the women in Janat (R.A)" and Hazart Ali Karm Allah Wajh al-Kareem (R.A).

Who paid for the marriage? The bridegroom. Yes the Blessed bridegroom. So what should be the lesson, we should drive?

 

[Hazik]

It may be right, but mostly it reflects the life of celebrates, In real scenario it is not the case. What i think is you get what u actually want, it is our society which has made this precious act on earth very hard and complicated other wise by performing it correctly and on time, it can reduce so many ill things from our society..........but why we should follow we are modern ppls...............

 

[wanderer]

Re: The Lunancy Of The Pakistani Wedding !!!

What is role model for us? The beacon of light/Noor the Last Prophetpbuh. How did he manage the marriage of hispbuh daughter (R.A) "The Syeda-tun-Nisa, the Syeda of the women in Janat (R.A)" and Hazart Ali Karm Allah Wajh al-Kareem (R.A).

Who paid for the marriage? The bridegroom. Yes the Blessed bridegroom. So what should be the lesson, we should drive?

If only People followed through what the Prophet instructed and did himself. Wouldnt we be in a better state then we are in now. Im sure many like me know who paid for that blessed wedding.
Inspite of knowing that information do U think MEN pay for weddings in Pakistan ? NO they dont.

Do u think they are going to start anytime soon ?? MAYBE, but not likely. They demand dowry/Jahaiz, let alone pay for the event.

what would be an ideal situation in this materialistic era in time - Simple wedding, One day event, Balanced paying of bill between the two parties, accepting whatever the girls family gives to the bride, And happily ever after.

 

[canadian]

Re: The Lunancy Of The Pakistani Wedding !!!

If only People followed through what the Prophet instructed and did himself. Wouldnt we be in a better state then we are in now. Im sure many like me know who paid for that blessed wedding.
Inspite of knowing that information do U think MEN pay for weddings in Pakistan ? NO they dont.

Do u think they are going to start anytime soon ?? MAYBE, but not likely. They demand dowry/Jahaiz, let alone pay for the event.

what would be an ideal situation in this materialistic era in time - Simple wedding, One day event, Balanced paying of bill between the two parties, accepting whatever the girls family gives to the bride, And happily ever after.

Infact they should not accept anything from a girl's family like your Maternal Uncle's did.

 

[wanderer]

Re: The Lunancy Of The Pakistani Wedding !!!

Infact they should not accept anything from a girl's family like your Maternal Uncle's did.

people are materialistic, and besides the girls parents wish to give them something or the other..... so if it makes the girls famiyl happy then they should take it without being picky.