Need informed opinion on the process of divorce and khula please

[Alamz]

You are the big shit person. If the lady don't want to continue you are asking for the gifts you gave to her in response to her freedom. Using Islam as a tool. You will go to heal. All your ibaadat naikii will go until counted and you are just teasing someone for last 3 years. Blackmaling. And on this forum people are getting sad about you unbelievable. Go ask a mufti or mulana and see what they say about you. You can do an other marriage but that girl can't. The other thing you are living abroad how can they know you are jobless or not. She did the right thing to move with you as may be you can sale her abroad just for money. These are girls concerns.

If the lady don't want to continue,why don't she return his gifts.She don't want to live with him but at the same time she will keep his gifts.this is nothing but greed.

 

[kayawish]

I know that bro, but what if after nikkah she don't want to sleep with you instead she sleeps with her parents even if you are there, what if she don't want to spend time with u nor wants to talk with you although u r sending her money and gave her new smartphone but she still refuse to talk with you. Only messeage u get from her is send me money. What does islam says about that?

I got never financial problem I was sending money even after loosing job. I live in europe u get social benefits here until u find a new job. Only problem was she had to wait to apply for visa because it can only be applied if im working.

did ur wife went to court in pakistan for khulla in these 3 years? ohh wait she dont wana go to court because then she has to give back all gifts and jewellery ... so yea , its a thug family i think.Zara us family background check karlo uno ne pehle bhi shahid bohot se logon ko isi tarah loota ho ga.

 

[Naveed1406]

To my understanding........it is not Khula. It is one Talaq after which reconciliation is no problem. Islam being a natural code of life gives highest priority and encourages reconciliation between husband and wife. All the sects/schools of Islam has solid backing of Quran & Sunnah (Sahih Hadees-e-Mubarakah), one must follow the opinion of any sect/school of thought which gives room for reconciliation; even if you don't belong to that school of thought.

I wrote in my previous message, verbally given divorces should be consulted with islamic scholars to explain situations, also, remember per Pakistan's family law, there is slightly different procedure to finally receive the divorce paper (and if people follow that process, it will automatically take people for 3 months process and then a document is issued which is final in eyes of laws).
On another note (same issue) In my opinion, if pakistanis are living abroad they should also (as per local laws) register their marriages in govt. Heard of many cases where marriage done in pakistan and couple decide divorce in other country (where the authorities could not process divorce) because marraige is not registered in their system nor do they have sharia laws. Since, this matter is still debatable in our religion (I believe till then we have to follow country's law, because religious scholar have different point of views across the board).
Also, last year Council of Islamic Ideology (Islami Nazriati Council) chairman Qibla Ayaz als informed that council is officially working to get a consent from all Ulama representatives, to punish (by law) anyone who gives 3 talaqs at one instance. He further mentioned in his statement that whether divorce is valid or not valid should be consulted with local religious scholar after explaining him complete situation.

Council of Islamic Ideology backs legislation on triple talaq as punishable offence

The council has decided that a consolidated form to facilitate divorce will also be prepared.

www.dawn.com

 

[Nebula]

If the lady don't want to continue,why don't she return his gifts.She don't want to live with him but at the same time she will keep his gifts.this is nothing but greed.

This guy waisted lady critical years and the gift are not for return. this blackmailing crime. Just put yourself in place of a women who have very low confidence that this guy will take care of her. Everyone wan to merry young women. this guy not giving her money and visa as well as asking for money to give talaq. Tell me if she is your sister or you are that woman and tell me what you do which not allow to marry until release and wasted 3 years of golden years without men. Yeh aadmi gold and artificial jewlery lay kar bhii uss koo talaq naa dai tu phir? yaha UK betha hoa hai uus koo kuch ilim hai kai iss kaa kharchaa iss kii zimadari hai Aur iss koo yeh wapis nahii maang saktaa. Smart phone tak tu yeh count kar raha hai kai mainaa diyaa aur joo rooz woh kapraa, khana, ghoomnaa aur sex sab iss kii zimadari hai. Talaq koo paisaa nikalna kai liyaa use kar raha hai. Jab iss koo muhabat hii nahii hai uus larki sai tu talaq dai paisaa kiyoo maang raha hai. Agar muhabat hai tu apnaa pass bulla kai rakhaa insanoo kii tarah. Shaadi mai Larkii waloo nay bhii Nikhaa kaa khana khilaya hoogaa paisa diyaa honga iss koo..Aur kisii nay kaha thaa kai Gold doo yeh tu iss nay apnii doolat deikhana kai liyaa apnaa rishtay daroo kai samnaa diyaa thaa aab iss koo wapis chaiyaa. Agar woh larki UK mai hooti tu iss koo pata chaltaa

 

[Fawad Javed]

ajj kal yehi kuch chal raha hai story of every house don't worry and join our singles league :)

My nikkah was done without rukhsati because I live abroad. Still I was sending money to my wife but after few months I lost my job and we asked them to wait for visa until i get a job. I was jobless for 6 months and my wifes behaviour was started to change towards me and my family. She never liked to talk with us so I decided to stop sending money but she kept asking for money. I told her I'm not obligated to send u money until rukhsati.

When I found job and told her, she replied me I have no interest anymore "tu farigh hai humari tarf se" after that we said return our all money and jewellery then I will give divorce. They refused to return and I'm stuck in this nikkah since 3 years. They broke all contact with us.

 

[Pak Falcon]

did ur wife went to court in pakistan for khulla in these 3 years? ohh wait she dont wana go to court because then she has to give back all gifts and jewellery ... so yea , its a thug family i think.Zara us family background check karlo uno ne pehle bhi shahid bohot se logon ko isi tarah loota ho ga.

No she didnt they are trying to get divorce from me. Yes her fathers brother has murdered his second brother because of property conflict her 2 cousins are also divorced. Unfortunately my parents did my rishta in hurry without doing any research

 

[paittibahi]

My nikkah was done without rukhsati because I live abroad. Still I was sending money to my wife but after few months I lost my job and we asked them to wait for visa until i get a job. I was jobless for 6 months and my wifes behaviour was started to change towards me and my family. She never liked to talk with us so I decided to stop sending money but she kept asking for money. I told her I'm not obligated to send u money until rukhsati.

When I found job and told her, she replied me I have no interest anymore "tu farigh hai humari tarf se" after that we said return our all money and jewellery then I will give divorce. They refused to return and I'm stuck in this nikkah since 3 years. They broke all contact with us.

I am not a scholar or competent on Islamic Law. As a common sense question. Why wait for 3 years hoping to get back your money and jewelry.
I suggest that you must dump this boouj from your shoulders and give her what she wants. Draging this matter is not good for you, your soon to be ex-wife or in the eyes of Allah.

 

[Pak Falcon]

You are the big shit person. If the lady don't want to continue you are asking for the gifts you gave to her in response to her freedom. Using Islam as a tool. You will go to heal. All your ibaadat naikii will go until counted and you are just teasing someone for last 3 years. Blackmaling. And on this forum people are getting sad about you unbelievable. Go ask a mufti or mulana and see what they say about you. You can do an other marriage but that girl can't. The other thing you are living abroad how can they know you are jobless or not. She did the right thing to move with you as may be you can sale her abroad just for money. These are girls concerns.

Wow, giving jewellery, house keys etc to new dulhan is part of our tradition. She becomes the owner of her new house. Her mother in law hand over jewellery and wealth to her to show love and respect. But it doesn't mean she can say anytime i don't want to live with u anymore and take everything with her. If a man gives divorce he too is obligated to pay her wife haq meher just like that if woman don't want to live she has to payback everything she got from her husband.

Im not forcing her to live with me she can go to court and get khulla. She should not beg to me for divorce. If she do I will demand my everything back first. I also have trust issues she can take my wealth and run away with other person.

 

[Pak Falcon]

I am not a scholar or competent on Islamic Law. As a common sense question. Why wait for 3 years hoping to get back your money and jewelry.
I suggest that you must dump this boouj from your shoulders and give her what she wants. Draging this matter is not good for you, your soon to be ex-wife or in the eyes of Allah.

I will give her divorce after finding another. She has the option of khulla she can go for it. At the moment I don't find any reason to give divorce since its her decision to live separate not mine.

 

[Steyn]

AoA members,

I kindly need informed opinion (with references / links as well if possible please) about a brother I know who is going through divorce/khula and is having a tough time processing the Islamic take on his situation.

After searching online I found out the Islamic way of divorce:

• first it is clarified that in Islam there is no concept of three divorces in a single sitting or together. No matter how many times a man says Talaq in a single sitting it is considered one. After that one talaq there is an idat period of 3 months, this is also the cooling off period as marriage is a precious bond and Allah has given us every opportunity to reconcile and get back together. During this period the husband can at any time take the wife back if they feel theyre differences are resolved and that they can continue with their lives. But even after these three months the husband can still take her back but with a new nikah.
• If this talaq happens three times then the husband and wife cannot get back together the third time even if they wanted to.

This is my understanding of Islamic divorce. Any informed member can kindly correct me if I am wrong in this,.


Now having clarified that, the reason for this post is the process of khula as there is where my confusion lies and I cannot find any reliable source on it.

In this case the wife was constantly demanding divorce from the husband, the husband and wife had been married for 2 years but on every little argument the wife would demand a divorce from him and the the husband would not oblige because he knew the wife was speaking from anger.

But recently it had gotten worse, for no reason and for every argument the wife would demand divorce and if the husband tried to walk out of room or change subject she would start crying as to why he was doing this zulm by not giving her divorce and why he was not exercising the right Allah had given him. She said that her life was hell with her husband and that she cannot live in this fire anymore, she begged for mercy and divorce.

The husband thinking that she might genuinely be unhappy or maybe she loved someone else finally gave the divorce on one of her such requests.

As soon as he gave Talaq she went in shock and immediately regretted it.

???????

She admitted that she would only demand divorce to put pressure on husband and to make him accept her every demand. And for some reason she was sure that he would not actually give the talaq.

But the husband actually gave the divorce, based on the reasons I wrote above.

Now the question is, is this khula?

does the same process of talaq apply here? can she be taken back now?

will the haq mehr be returned?

Very confused here, some informed opinion would greatly help.

Jazakallah Khair

It's very simple.

You say talaq one time, it's one talaq. You say it two times, it is two. You say it three then it's three.

Three doesn't mean one.

If the person said talaq three times then it's the end of that marriage. If he's still sleeping with her then it's zina and fornication. She can't be her wife anymore.

Divorce isn't a joke. People have made it a joke that's why this happens. Also ignorance is no excuse.

Divorce happens when you're angry, nobody gives divorce when they're happy and in love so the story you told divorce has happened.

Khula means something else. A man has the power to divorce, a woman can't so she goes through a procedure called khula.

And its a very unhealthy and dangerous relationship if the wife uses divorce for blackmail.

Go to your local mosque and ask the Mullah. Mullahs have destroyed this country and are the source of evil according to liberals and atheists and modernist west following Muslims but Mullahs still know more than us. Any imam of a mosque can tell you this.

Nothing complicated about divorce. You utter the words and it's done.

 

[kayawish]

I will give her divorce after finding another. She has the option of khulla she can go for it. At the moment I don't find any reason to give divorce since its her decision to live separate not mine.

yea , for khulla she has to go to court and court will order her to give back all gift , jewellr etc back which she cannot because she and her family aet all up :D since u are married in killer family so u must take precaution when travelling to pakistan.as u said they are killers so they can also try to kill you in order to make their sister widow and after aidat is over she will be open to marry again with whom she wants.I can see ur life in danger if u dont divorse her.

 

[Alamz]

Wow, giving jewellery, house keys etc to new dulhan is part of our tradition. She becomes the owner of her new house. Her mother in law hand over jewellery and wealth to her to show love and respect. But it doesn't mean she can say anytime i don't want to live with u anymore and take everything with her. If a man gives divorce he too is obligated to pay her wife haq meher just like that if woman don't want to live she has to payback everything she got from her husband.

Im not forcing her to live with me she can go to court and get khulla. She should not beg to me for divorce. If she do I will demand my everything back first. I also have trust issues she can take my wealth and run away with other person.

Wow, giving jewellery, house keys etc to new dulhan is part of our tradition. She becomes the owner of her new house. Her mother in law hand over jewellery and wealth to her to show love and respect. But it doesn't mean she can say anytime i don't want to live with u anymore and take everything with her. If a man gives divorce he too is obligated to pay her wife haq meher just like that if woman don't want to live she has to payback everything she got from her husband.

Im not forcing her to live with me she can go to court and get khulla. She should not beg to me for divorce. If she do I will demand my everything back first. I also have trust issues she can take my wealth and run away with other person.

so if she is not going for khulla and instead asking you to divorce her then it's very clear ,she don't want to lose the wealth she got from you

 

[Steyn]

My nikkah was done without rukhsati because I live abroad. Still I was sending money to my wife but after few months I lost my job and we asked them to wait for visa until i get a job. I was jobless for 6 months and my wifes behaviour was started to change towards me and my family. She never liked to talk with us so I decided to stop sending money but she kept asking for money. I told her I'm not obligated to send u money until rukhsati.

When I found job and told her, she replied me I have no interest anymore "tu farigh hai humari tarf se" after that we said return our all money and jewellery then I will give divorce. They refused to return and I'm stuck in this nikkah since 3 years. They broke all contact with us.

It sucks but you're not correct.

Rulings having to do with divorce before consummation of the marriage - Islam Question & Answer

islamqa.info

Rights of a woman whose husband divorced her before consummating the marriage - Islam Question & Answer

islamqa.info

“And if you divorce them before you have touched (had a sexual relation with) them, and you have appointed unto them the Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), then pay half of that (Mahr), unless they (the women) agree to forego it, or he (the husband), in whose hands is the marriage tie, agrees to forego and give her full appointed Mahr. And to forego and give (her the full Mahr) is nearer to At-Taqwa (piety, righteousness). And do not forget liberality between yourselves. Truly, Allaah is All-Seer of what you do”

[al-Baqarah 2:237]

Don't expect any pity from me or others. You're destroying that girl's life, she can't marry anywhere else but you can. She can't even do anything about it since you're in another country. 3 years is a long time especially for a girl who loses her marriage prospects as she gets older, she loses it when she even gets divorced.

 

[Steyn]

You are the big shit person. If the lady don't want to continue you are asking for the gifts you gave to her in response to her freedom. Using Islam as a tool. You will go to heal. All your ibaadat naikii will go until counted and you are just teasing someone for last 3 years. Blackmaling. And on this forum people are getting sad about you unbelievable. Go ask a mufti or mulana and see what they say about you. You can do an other marriage but that girl can't. The other thing you are living abroad how can they know you are jobless or not. She did the right thing to move with you as may be you can sale her abroad just for money. These are girls concerns.

I agree with you completely.

Man has the upper hand and is in complete control and he's trying to act humble while destroying three years of that girl's life even though she doesn't want to be with him.

Some people.

 

[Truthstands]

This guy waisted lady critical years and the gift are not for return. this blackmailing crime. Just put yourself in place of a women who have very low confidence that this guy will take care of her. Everyone wan to merry young women. this guy not giving her money and visa as well as asking for money to give talaq. Tell me if she is your sister or you are that woman and tell me what you do which not allow to marry until release and wasted 3 years of golden years without men. Yeh aadmi gold and artificial jewlery lay kar bhii uss koo talaq naa dai tu phir? yaha UK betha hoa hai uus koo kuch ilim hai kai iss kaa kharchaa iss kii zimadari hai Aur iss koo yeh wapis nahii maang saktaa. Smart phone tak tu yeh count kar raha hai kai mainaa diyaa aur joo rooz woh kapraa, khana, ghoomnaa aur sex sab iss kii zimadari hai. Talaq koo paisaa nikalna kai liyaa use kar raha hai. Jab iss koo muhabat hii nahii hai uus larki sai tu talaq dai paisaa kiyoo maang raha hai. Agar muhabat hai tu apnaa pass bulla kai rakhaa insanoo kii tarah. Shaadi mai Larkii waloo nay bhii Nikhaa kaa khana khilaya hoogaa paisa diyaa honga iss koo..Aur kisii nay kaha thaa kai Gold doo yeh tu iss nay apnii doolat deikhana kai liyaa apnaa rishtay daroo kai samnaa diyaa thaa aab iss koo wapis chaiyaa. Agar woh larki UK mai hooti tu iss koo pata chaltaa

Spot on. This is the problem in our society we and our peoples gave importance to gold/money and gifts but not the human. Now they want her to get Khula so she should not ask for HaqMaher.
Act like a men and either bring her or let her life. Its not about money. Just think that women is 3 years old now. Have fears of Allah SWT.

 

[falcons]

AoA members,

I kindly need informed opinion (with references / links as well if possible please) about a brother I know who is going through divorce/khula and is having a tough time processing the Islamic take on his situation.

After searching online I found out the Islamic way of divorce:

• first it is clarified that in Islam there is no concept of three divorces in a single sitting or together. No matter how many times a man says Talaq in a single sitting it is considered one. After that one talaq there is an idat period of 3 months, this is also the cooling off period as marriage is a precious bond and Allah has given us every opportunity to reconcile and get back together. During this period the husband can at any time take the wife back if they feel theyre differences are resolved and that they can continue with their lives. But even after these three months the husband can still take her back but with a new nikah.
• If this talaq happens three times then the husband and wife cannot get back together the third time even if they wanted to.

This is my understanding of Islamic divorce. Any informed member can kindly correct me if I am wrong in this,.


Now having clarified that, the reason for this post is the process of khula as there is where my confusion lies and I cannot find any reliable source on it.

In this case the wife was constantly demanding divorce from the husband, the husband and wife had been married for 2 years but on every little argument the wife would demand a divorce from him and the the husband would not oblige because he knew the wife was speaking from anger.

But recently it had gotten worse, for no reason and for every argument the wife would demand divorce and if the husband tried to walk out of room or change subject she would start crying as to why he was doing this zulm by not giving her divorce and why he was not exercising the right Allah had given him. She said that her life was hell with her husband and that she cannot live in this fire anymore, she begged for mercy and divorce.

The husband thinking that she might genuinely be unhappy or maybe she loved someone else finally gave the divorce on one of her such requests.

As soon as he gave Talaq she went in shock and immediately regretted it.

???????

She admitted that she would only demand divorce to put pressure on husband and to make him accept her every demand. And for some reason she was sure that he would not actually give the talaq.

But the husband actually gave the divorce, based on the reasons I wrote above.

Now the question is, is this khula?

does the same process of talaq apply here? can she be taken back now?

will the haq mehr be returned?

Very confused here, some informed opinion would greatly help.

Jazakallah Khair

khula is same process as of talaq but it is demanded by wife and given by man..
khula can be revoked by wife before acceptance...
wife should give some consideration in offer so that husband can free her...
is there any consideration ??
if they want to reconcile and the 3 months period has not passed...

 

[Alamz]

Spot on. This is the problem in our society we and our peoples gave importance to gold/money and gifts but not the human. Now they want her to get Khula so she should not ask for HaqMaher.
Act like a men and either bring her or let her life. Its not about money. Just think that women is 3 years old now. Have fears of Allah SWT.

 

[Alamz]

The girl can take khulla in 3 months from court.so if the girl don't go to court for khulla then clearly the girl intension is wealth

 

[Pak Falcon]

It sucks but you're not correct.

Rulings having to do with divorce before consummation of the marriage - Islam Question & Answer

islamqa.info

Rights of a woman whose husband divorced her before consummating the marriage - Islam Question & Answer

islamqa.info

“And if you divorce them before you have touched (had a sexual relation with) them, and you have appointed unto them the Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), then pay half of that (Mahr), unless they (the women) agree to forego it, or he (the husband), in whose hands is the marriage tie, agrees to forego and give her full appointed Mahr. And to forego and give (her the full Mahr) is nearer to At-Taqwa (piety, righteousness). And do not forget liberality between yourselves. Truly, Allaah is All-Seer of what you do”

[al-Baqarah 2:237]

Don't expect any pity from me or others. You're destroying that girl's life, she can't marry anywhere else but you can. She can't even do anything about it since you're in another country. 3 years is a long time especially for a girl who loses her marriage prospects as she gets older, she loses it when she even gets divorced.

Well that was her decision to destroy her life not mine. She should have thought about that before doing me "farigh"

 

[kayawish]

I will give her divorce after finding another. She has the option of khulla she can go for it. At the moment I don't find any reason to give divorce since its her decision to live separate not mine.

app ki story padh kar muje amjad khan wo dialogue yaad aagya specially when you said that ur wife family is involved in murders etc.

"Aab tera kya hoga Kaliya"