Muhammad Tauseef A. Bajwa
Senator (1k+ posts)
Most daughters have their daddies twisted around their little fingers. Intuitively, they realise that they can get away with more than they hope to with their mothers.
This puts the father in a difficult position at times as it makes the mum the bad cop. Also, you dont want your little girl to grow up with Daddy issues and look for your qualities in every man she dates. So how does this balancing act work?
The daddy-daughter tie
A fathers relationship with his daughter is marked by deep protection. In fact, a non-protective father can leave to grow up with a deep need for security. However, a father needs to wean his daughter off at adolescence so that she does not cling to him for every decision or search for a father figure in her potential boyfriends and partners.
Actor Shah Rukh Khan and wife Gauri function as a team with their daughter Suhana Girls tend to worship their father and enjoy the protective nature as long as it comes with privileges. This may pit the father against the mother unless they put up a united front.
When the daughter turns four, she demands a lot of attention from her father and the scenario can get difficult for the wife.
Girls tend to be possessive about their fathers and if not nipped at the bud, this can blossom into aggressive jealousy in the teenage years.
They would not like their mothers to look attractive or young, and may disrespect them when the father is not around. They would also complain about their mothers to their fathers.
Faced with this behaviour, mothers could start competing with their daughters for their husbands attention. They might try to look younger and dress like their daughters; or use the fathers to get them to toe the line as they know she fears falling out of grace with him.
Like the mother-son relationship, the father-daughter relationship also takes on sexual undertones when the daughter realises that the parents share a bed. Yet all of this can be sorted and smoothened diplomatically with a bit of awareness and a firm hand.
Handle with dare
As long as you make it clear that you and your wife are a team, you have the parenting foundation set. Your close attention to your daughter will help shape her personality positively, but you have to maintain boundaries.
To stop feeding the competition between them, make it clear that your wife comes first. Such precautions will ensure that your daughter grows up to be independent, emotionally balanced and not suffer from daddy issues. She will also respect both parents equally and have no issues with authority. Other tips include:
When the daughter disrespects her mother, intervene and let her know gently that such behaviour is not acceptable.
Practise mastering a soft but firm mannerism. If you shout at your daughter, it could feed her resentment of the mother, seeing her as the root of problems between you and her.
Encourage your daughter and wife to spend more time together.
Function as a team when confronted with demands. If she asks for permission to stay out late, or for a new phone, say you will check with her mother and get back to her.
Dont shy away from demonstrating your love and respect for the wife in front of your daughter. It is healthy to hold hands, kiss, hug etc. as it sets a positive example that she will follow in her relationship.
Ensure that your daughter sleeps in her own bed. If she has nightmares or wants you to put her to bed, go to her room, read her a happy story and make sure she sleeps there.
If your wife is reacting adversely to her daughter, point it out to her calmly, and when you are alone. Buy never in front of your daughter.
Convince her that she has no reason to compete with her daughter.
Do not reprimand the mother if your daughter complains about her to you. Instead, tell her your mother is right. If you disagree with your wife about the matter, sort it out privately. Do not encourage your daughter to complain about the mother to you.
► Girls tend to worship their father and enjoy the protective nature while it comes with privileges
