Aspects of Islamic Etiquette

[QaiserMirza]

Marriage Etiquette In Islam

Marriage Etiquette in Islam

Marriage is a gift, a special bond between man and woman, husband and wife. Much has been written about how we should behave towards a spouse after marriage, but no texts are more appropriate than the teachings of the Qur'an and Sunna. With this article, we have attempted to bring together information on marriage etiquette from a variety of sources, which we hope will guide and inspire you in this most wonderful relationship.

A spouse has been described as "a partner, companion and best friend". The closeness between spouses is unlike any other relationship. The following verse from the Qur'an sums it up perfectly: "They are your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). This illustrates how "spouses provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support and the adornment that garments provide to humans".

The first few years of marriage are often the most challenging as this is the period when husband and wife are getting to know each other better and adjusting to each other's habits and personalities, as well as to their new roles in society. There are, however, a number of matters of etiquette for married couples to observe which will help to ensure harmony and understanding during this time of transition, as well as in the long term.
In this article:

1. Expectations
2. Spending Time Together
3. Sexual Relations
4. Family and Friends
5. Commitment to Allah

1. Expectations
Everyone has different expectations of marriage but it important that these expectations are realistic. The "happy ever after" portrayed in many Hollywood and Bollywood films is achievable but we must remember that it takes time, patience and effort to build and maintain this strong marital bond.

First and foremost, do not expect your partner to be perfect. Only Allah is perfect. All of us have our good points and our bad points, and husbands and wives must learn to delight in the good points and accept the bad. We cannot expect to always agree with our spouses. They are not an extension of us; they are their own person with their own personalities, views, likes and dislikes, which we should try to understand rather than change.

A happy marriage cannot be taken for granted. It requires constant giving from both sides. Be mindful that even small things can make a huge difference to the relationship. Be honest with your partner. Both partners in marriage should feel free to speak their mind but must be careful not to hurt the other's feelings. Pay each other compliments and show appreciation for the things that your spouse does for you.
Problems between couples may arise from a lack of information before marriage. Therefore it is important to discuss your future expectations beforehand. Such issues could include whether the wife will work outside the home, when the couple plan to have children, where and with whom (if anyone) they should live, how they will work together to ensure a happy marriage, etc.

In marriage, the husband takes the lead. However, according to Islam, marriage is a partnership. Rather than being a dictator in the relationship, the husband is seen more as a shepherd who is responsible for and to his flock. In Islam, a leader is one who serves, manages, provides and nourishes and does so with humbleness and humility. The husband is expected to consult his wife (Shura), especially in relation to family matters, and to respect and value her opinion.

2. Spending Time Together
It is important to make time for each other and to enjoy spending time together. It is only through being together that we can learn to communicate effectively with our spouses, to share our hopes and fears and to feel responsible for each other. When this bond is strong, the couple becomes a "team", working together for the same ends.

Establish your own rituals. Set aside time together. This is especially important if both partners are working. This time can be spent praying together, deciding upon finances or a weekly menu, pursuing a hobby together or simply taking time to enjoy each other's company.

Your marital bond will enable you to build a close relationship, both physically and emotionally. However, giving each other sufficient space in the relationship will bring balance. In addition, show forgiveness if your partner makes a mistake and do not hold grudges. Develop closeness and fondness by laughing and having fun together. Plan for your future together. This will bring peace of mind and cement your relationship.

3. Sexual Relations
Time and effort are required to establish a sexual relationship in marriage, which is in tune with the needs of each partner. It is essential that both are informed about Islamic sexual etiquette, especially what is permissible (Halal) and what is forbidden (Haram).

Revealing secrets is un-Islamic. Therefore, partners should never discuss bedroom matters with others. If discussion becomes necessary, for example, due to medical matters or where there is a need for a marriage mentor, this should take place only with an authority figure that has both partners' interests at heart.

Our Prophet recommends that husbands and wives make themselves physically attractive to each other and to pay even more attention to this after marriage. Spouses should take care of themselves, to look good and stay clean in order not to cause offence to the other. Elegance and beautification are encouraged in Islam.

4. Family and Friends
Islam demands that a special effort should be made to show kindness and respect to your spouse's family. A bond with your in-laws does not develop overnight. It requires regular, healthy contact, openness and a willingness to accept your differences. Acceptance of your spouse's family and showing them hospitality can only strengthen the bond between you and your partner and help to make marital relations easier.

In line with Islamic rules of social relations we should avoid sarcasm, backbiting and calling each other offensive nicknames. Instead, we should make a special effort to respect each other as family members. Everyone is different. Therefore, do not compare your partner to members of your family and do not compare in-laws to your parents. This can lead to friction and resentment.

Friends are important to married couples and it can be useful to schedule a "friends time" where husband and wife can meet privately with friends. The couple should also make an effort to make family friends, friendships with other married couples. However, of the highest importance is to develop a deep and lasting friendship with your spouse.

5. Commitment to Allah
As Islam is a way of life, it is an integral part of the couple's relationship. They are bound by their common faith and in their desire to please Allah. Each should be responsible for enhancing their partner's spiritual development. Support each other in your obedience to Allah and make time to pray together. This will strengthen your relationship with Allah and, in turn, ensure that your marital bond remains strong.

 

[Raaz]

O really,

I thought the marriage is about , Mahndi, Barat, grand dinner, Walima party and gifts and honeymoon ...
:banana::banana:

If not, then listn 'Nikah Mubarak' by Dr. Farhat hashmi..thanks

http://www.farhathashmi.com/dn/Marriage.aspx

 

[babadeena]

@Qaiser Mirza,

Please also give references from Quran, Hadiths or anyother Book which you think necessary. or give the link of site from where you
took it. thanks.

 

[gazoomartian]

qaiser ji

Why didnt you tell me all these when I got married in 1978. I missed so much of this (bigsmile)

 

[QaiserMirza]

The Etiquette of Dua

The Etiquette of Dua​

From The Book of Dua By Shaikh Hussain Al- Awaaishah An excellent book laying out the rewards, warnings, conditions and other matters related to supplication (duaa), all being based proofs taken from the Quraan and authentic ahaadeeth o­nly. A truly delightful book. ​

1. Ask with absolute resolve, and believe with certainty that your dua will be answered. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam said: When o­ne of you makes dua he should not say, O Allah, forgive me if you wish, have mercy o­n me if you wish, give me provision if you wish, but he should ask with resolve because he oes what He likes; no o­ne can force Him. (Bukhari)
The Prophet sallallahu alahi wa salaam also said: Ask Allah when you are sure of His response, and remember that Allah does not accept the dua of the unmindful and negletful heart. (Declared hasan by our Sheikh Al-Albani in Silsilah al-Ahadith al-Sahihah #594)​

2. Perseverance in making dua.
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam said: The servants dua will be answered provided he does not ask for what is sinful or for the breaking off of relations, and also if he does not show impatience. He was asked, O Messenger of Allah, what is impatience? And he replied, That the servant says: I invoked, but I do not think it (my invocation) was answered, and he becomes disappointed and abandons dua. (Muslim from Abu Hurairah)​

3. Make dua in every condition
The Messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa salaam said: The o­ne who likes Allah to answer him at the time of adversity and hardship, then let him increase in making dua in time of ease. (Reported by al-Tirmidhi and al-Hakim who authenticated it. Agreed by al-Dhahabi. It is in Sahih al-Jami #6166)​

4. Dua should not be made against family and property.
Muslim reported in his sahih from Jabir radi Allahu anhu that the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam said: Do not make dua against yourself, nor make dua against your children, nor your property, for your dua may coincide with the time when Allah grants all supplication, and your dua might be granted (and cause you harm)​

5. Dua should not be directed to other than Allah alone.
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam said to Ibn Abbas radi Allahu anhu : O young man, I am going to teach you some words: Be mindful of Allah, and He will be mindful of you. Be mindful of Allah, and yo will find Him before you. When you ask, ask Allah. When you wish to seek help, seek help from Allah. Remember that if all the people come together to bring you benefit they can not benefit you except that Allah has written. o­n the other hand, if they come together to cause (you) any harm, they will not be able to do it except for what Allah has written. The pens have been laid aside, and the scrolls have dried. (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi who declared it Hasan Sahih)​

6. The suppliant should keep his voice between a whisper and speaking aloud.
Allah Almighty says: Call o­n your Lord in humility and in secret. For He loves not those who trespass beyond bound.(7:55)The prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam said: Be kind to yourselves for you are not calling upon o­ne who is deaf or absent. You are calling upon o­ne who is All Hearing and All Seeing. (Bukhari & Muslim reported it from Abu Musa)​

7. Ask Allah with His beautiful names.
Allah The Exalted says: The most beautiful names belong to Allah, so call upon Him by them. (7:180)It is reported in an authentic tradition that the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam heard a man saying in his prayer: O Allah, I am asking you. O Allah The Eternal Absolute, The o­ne Who begets not nor is He begotten, and there is none like unto Him; forgive my sins for You are The Most Forgiving and The Most Merciful. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam said, He has been forgiven, he hasbeenforgiven.(Abu Dawud, al-NisaI, Ahmad & Ibn Khuzaimah. Authenticated by al-Hakim and agreed by al-Dhahabi. Our Sheikh al-Albani brings it in Sifatus Salatun Nabi and comments o­n it.)In another incident the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam also heard someone in his prayer saying: O Allah I ask You, for praise is due to You. There is none worthy of worship but You alone (without any partner), The Originator of the heavens and the earth, full of Might and Glory, The Living and Self Subsisting Eternal. I am asking for Paradise, and seeking Your refuge from Hell. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam said to his companions, Do you know by what he asked? They answered, Allah and His messenger know better. He said, {By the o­ne in Whose hand is my soul**, he has invoked Allah by His supreme name by which if He is invoked He grants, by which if He is asked He gives, (Reported by Abu Dawud, al-NasaI, Ahmad, al-Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, Al-Tabarani & Ibn Mundah in al-Tawhid by sahih chains of transmission.)
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam also said, That the dua of Dhu Al-Nun (The man of the fish i.e. Yunus/Jonas) by which he invoked Allah from inside the belly of the whale is: There is none worthy of worship but You, Glory be to You, verily I am amongst the wrong doers. No muslim ever makes dua by it but Allah will grant it. (Reported by al-Tirmidhi in his sunnan [4/260], Ahmad [1/170] & al-Hakim [2/383] who authenticated it. Al-Dhahabi agreed to it. Also our Sheikh al-Albani in Al-Kalim al-Tayyib no.122)​

8. Confession of sin.
haddad bin Aws radi Allahu anhu narrated that the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam said, The supreme way of asking for forgiveness from Allah is to say: O Allah, You are my Lord, There is none worthy of worship but You, You have created me, and I am Your servant. I am commited to my covenant and my promise to You as much as I can. I seek refuge with You from the evil I have done. I acknowledge before You all the bleesings You have bestowed upon me, and I confess to you all my sins. So grant me forgiveness for no o&shy;ne can forgive sins except You. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam added, If somebody says it during the day with firm faith in it, and dies o&shy;n the same day before the evening he will be among the people of Paradise. And if someone says it at night with firm faith in it and dies before the morning, he will be among the people of Paradise.(Bukhari reported it)</span>​

9. Rhymed prose should be avoided in dua.
It is obvious from the report of Bukhari the Ibn Abbas radi Allahu anhu advised o&shy;ne of the companions saying, Speak weekly to the people, if not then twice a week. If you want more, than three times. Do not bore the people by this Quran. I would not like to see you coming to the group engaged in conversation and interfering with it (the conversation) and starting to preach to them thus causing annoyance, but wait and listen. If they ask you then speak while they are interested. Note the rhymed dua and avoid it because I found the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa salaam and his companions doing it; that is avoiding the rhymed dua.​

10. o&shy;ne should show humility, entreaty, desire, and fear while making dua.
Allah The Exalted said: Remember your Lord in your heart with humility and fear. (7:205)He also said: They (the prophets) were quick in doing good work, and called o&shy;n Us in yearning and awe. (21:90) The last 10 to follow shortly Insha Allah.​

11. o&shy;ne should repent and try to make amends where o&shy;ne has wronged.
Al-Bukhari and Muslim reported that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa salaam said about the man who stretched his arms to the heavens saying: O my Lord, O my Lord, But his food is haram, his dress is haram, so how could his prayer be answered?​

12. Dua by reference made to previous good deeds.
This has been mentioned in the story of three people who entered a cave, the entrance of which had been blocked by a rock. They invoked Allah by their most sincere deeds, and He responded to them (and released them). [The story has been reported in Bukhari & Muslim].​

13. Dua should be repeated three times as confirmed in the following hadith:
Abdullah ibn Masud narrated, While the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa salaamwas praying near the kabah, a group of Quraysh were gathered in their meeting place. o&shy;ne of them spoke, Who can go to the place of the slaughtered camel of so-and-so family and fetch his droppings, its guts and its blood, then wait until he (the Prophet) bows in prostration then he puts the whole (thing) between his shoulder. The most wretched of them arose (and brought the filth). When the Prophetsallallahu alaihi wa salaam bowed in prostration, he put it between his shoulders. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaamremained in prostration (as he could not rise) and they laughed and fell over each other from laughter. In the meantime someone went to Fatimah radi Allahu anha and told her. She came running. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam was still in prostration. She removed the filth from him, and turning around to them started swearing at those men. After completing his prayer, the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa salaam said, Destroy the Quraysh (he said it three times), it was his habit to repeat a dua three times, and when he asked for something he would do the same- O Allah, destroy Amr ibn Hisham, Utba bin Rabia, Shaybah bin Rabia, Al-Walid bin Utba, Umayya bin Khalaf, Uqba bin Abu Muayt and Umara bin Al-Walid.Abdullah said, By Allah I saw them slaughtered o&shy;n the day of Badr, and being dragged to be thrown in the well of Badr. Then the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa salaam said, O Allah, attend the people of the well with a curse.​

14. Conveying the blessings of Allah (salat) to the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam.
This is a requirement for the acceptance of dua. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam said, Every dua is suspended until the blessing of Allah is conveyed upon the Prophet. (Sahih Al-Jami #4399 vol. 4)​

15. Facing the Qibla while making dua.
Abu Hurairah radi Allahu anhu said, The Messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa salaam faced the Qibla and said, O Allah guide Daws (Those to the right path). (Bukhari & Muslim).
Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal rahim Allah and others hold this view. Ibn Taymiyyah has also endorsed it in his book Al-Iqtida pp. 175-181 while condemning the abominable innovations practiced at the grave of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam. He said, We have mentioned the view of Ahmad and others that when a person comes to greet the Prophet and his two friends (Abu Bakr & Umar) then he wants to make dua he should turn away to face the Qiblah. Our Sheikh Al-Albani has also agreed with this view in his book Ahkam Al-Janaiz pp. 221-222.​

16. o&shy;ne should raise both hands.
Al-Bukhari reported that Ibn Umar said, The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam raised his hand and said, O Allah, I declare my innocence of what Khalid has done.
Al-Bukhari also reported in his Sahih from Abu Musa who said, The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam made dua and he raised his hands until he saw the whiteness of his underarm. Hafiz ibn Hajr said in Fath Al-Bari 11/120,
<span>There are many traditions in favor of raising hands in dua. Al-Mundhari has collected them in a separate booklet, and Al-Nawawi has cited some of them in his books: Al-Adhkar and Sharh Al-Muhadhdhah. Bukhari wrote a chapter about it in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad.​

17. o&shy;ne should have ablution.
Abu Musa reported, When the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam had finished from the battle of Hunayn he sent Abu Amir to lead an army to Atwas, and he sent me with him. Abu Amir was struck in his knee by an arrow which a man from Jusham had shot, and it lodged in his knee. I removed it, and water oozed out of it. He said, O son of my brother, convey my greetings to the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam, and request him to ask Allahs forgiveness for me. He survived for a short while then died. I returned and called o&shy;n the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam at his house, and found him lying in a bed made of the stalks of date palm leaves knitted with ropes and o&shy;n it there was bedding. The strings of the bed had left their marks o&shy;n his back and sides. I told him about our and Abu Amirs news, and his request (to tell him to ask Allahs forgiveness for him). The Prophet asked for water, performed ablution, and raised his hands saying, O Allah forgive your servant Abu Amir. I saw the whiteness of the Prophets underarm. He continued, O Allah make him o&shy;n the Day of Resurrection superior to many of Your human creatures. I said, Would you ask Allahs forgiveness for me as well? He said, O Allah, forgive the sins of Abdullah ibn Qays and admit him to a nice entrance o&shy;n the Day of Resurrection,Hafiz ibn Hajr said in Al-Fath 8/35, It is indicated in this report that performing ablution when making dua is desirable (mustahab).​

18. Crying when making dua.
Abdullah ibn Amr ibn Al-As radi Allahu anhu reported that, The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salaam recited the words of Allah about Ibrahim alaihi salaam, O my Lord they have indeed led astray many among mankind. He then who follows my ways is of me. (14:36)
and Isas alaihi salaam saying, If You punish them them they are Your servants, but if You forgive them, verily You are The Exalted, The Wise.(5:118)
Then he raised his hands and said, O Allah, my community, my communityand he cried. Allah said, O Jibril, go to Muhammad -and your Lord knows better- and ask him what makes him cry. Jibril came to the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa salaam and asked him. The Prophet told him about his concern for his community. Jibril returned to Allah Almighty and informed Him while Allah knew everything. Allah The Most High said, O Jibril, go to Muhammad and tell him that: We shall please you concerning your community, and shall not cause you to be unhappy. (Muslim Reported)​

19. o&shy;ne should show the need for Allahs help, and implore Him for release from weakness, hardship and tribulation.
Allah The Exalted said about Job, And Job when he cried to his Lord: Truly distress has seized me, and You are The Most Merciful of those who are merciful (21:83)
The dua of Zakaria alahi salaam is mentioned in the Quran: O my Lord, leave me not without offspring, though You are the best of inheritors.(21:89)
And Ibrahim alaihi salaam made dua, O my Lord, I have made some of my offspring to dwell in a valley without cultivation, by Your sacred house; in order O my Lord! In order that they may establish regular prayer. So fill the hearts of some men with love towards them, and feed them with fruits so that they may give thanks. (14:37)​

20. one should seize the opportunity of time, situation and circumstance in which prayers are answered.​

 

[Muhammad Tauseef A. Bajwa]

The Islamic Law has introduced and propagated a cluster of public ethics. At the same time, it warned of failure to strictly abide by it, as this will entail punishment in the Hereafter. Imam Muslim narrated that the Holy Prophet (PBUH) said which meaning of is translated as: Do you know who the bankrupt is?

They answered: A bankrupt among us is the person who has neither money nor property.

The Prophet (PBUH) said which meaning of is translated as:
The bankrupt in my nation is the one who comes on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, zakat and fasting, yet he used to insult, slander, slay and beat others. Thus claimants are rewarded according to their good deeds. If one's good deeds are gone, he is punished for his ill-doings until he is thrown into Hell.


Dining Ethics

1. Start eating with the name of Allah (Bismillahir) and conclude with praising and thanking Allah (Al-Hamdu Lillahi Rabbil-Aalameen).
Eat from the nearest side of the dish to you and use your right hand, because the left hand is generally used for cleaning dirt. Bukhari and Muslim narrated on the authority of Umar Ibn Abi Salamah, may Allah be pleased with them, that the Holy Prophet (PBUH) said which meaning of is translated as: Mention the name of Allah, eat with your right hand and eat from the nearest side of the dish.

2. Never complain or disapprove of food whatsoever. Bukhari and Muslim narrated on the authority of Abu Hurairah (RA) that: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) has never found fault with any food. If he likes it, he would eat it, if not he would just leave it.

3. Avoid eating or drinking in excess quantity in the light of the Quranic words which meaning of is translated as: And eat and drink but do not spendthrift. And the Prophet's (PBUH) meaning of which is translated as: The son of Adam (man) has never filled a vessel worse than his stomach. If there is no way out, let there be a third for his meal, another for his drink and another for his breath. (Narrated by Ahmad).

4. Never breathe or blow into vessels. According to Ibn Abbas the Prophet (PBUH) said which meaning of is translated as: Forbade breathing or blowing into the dish. (Al Tirmidhi).

5. Eat with others, not alone, since Allahs Messenger (PBUH) said which meaning of is translated as: Gather around your food so that it may be blessed. (Abu Dawood and Tirmidhi).


6. If you are invited to a meal and you take somebody with you, you should seek permission for him. According to Abu Masud Al-Badri (RA) a man invited Allahs Prophet (PBUH) to a meal along with four other people? A man followed the Prophet. At the door, the Prophet (PBUH) said to the host which meaning of is translated as: This man has come with us: If you would permit, he will come in; if not, he will go back." The host said: I give him my permission, O Allahs Messenger. (Bukhari & Muslim).

http://www.ymsite.com/books/messageislam/mislam_aspec.htm