simple_and_peacefull
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Lovely Claire D. Cachuela
http://gulfnews.com/life-style/parenting/fears-and-phobias-in-children-1.743984
You play the DVD of The Jungle Book, wanting to share your sense of joy and adventure with your four year old, hoping he will enjoy the escapades of Mowgli as much as you did when you saw the movie the first time. However, that's not what happens. Instead the moment he sees Kaa, the slithering Indian python, or Shere Khan, the Bengal tiger with a gruff voice, he cringes with fear, until finally halfway through the film he erupts into a raucous bawl that nearly flips you out. No amount of hushing and shushing him can calm him down. All that is left to do is click off the movie.
What can have been so scary in a cartoon film you wonder? Why is your child reacting to a cartoon tiger with fear? Where does this fear stem from? Is it just your child? As a dozen more disquieting questions flood your mind, you are compelled to ask yourself: Did I do something wrong as a parent to make my child fearful? Then it strikes you that it was only last night that you threatened him with a visit from The Bogeyman' if he didn't finish his dinner. Was that a serious offence?
"Fear of the monsters is part of the human subconscious collective fears. When our heroes are fighting against the monsters or giants that come in all shapes - like a snake with two heads or dragons - we believe that monsters mean harm and we need to protect ourselves from them," explains Dr Roghy McCarthy, a renowned psychologist who runs a Counselling and Development Clinic in Jumeirah, Dubai; and author of a children's educational colouring book titled Learn to say NO. She talks of the reasons why children develop fears - valid as well as illogical.
According to Dr McCarthy, the common sources of fear are experience (trauma) and the environment.
For instance, take ten-year-old Gen Lim, who was bitten by a neighbour's pet dog when she was five. Prior to this event, she used to enjoy playing with pets - both cats and dogs. However, this single incident not only scarred her physically, but emotionally as well. No amount of encouragement from her parents could once again get Gen to feed her own pet dogs or even play with them. Even if a dog barked in some far corner of her neighbourhood, she would cower in fear.
Ben Ross, seven, shares a room with his older brother Robbie, eight - a big fan of horror films. Every time Robbie played a DVD in their room, Ben had no choice but to listen and sometimes watch these films. As a consequence, instead of being entertained, Ben would quite often wake up in a cold sweat, staring into dark space, and imagining that monsters were lurking behind the curtains in his room. The fear would wipe out any chance of going back to sleep and he would lie there until he could summon up the courage to crawl out of his bed and run to the safety of his parents' room.
Once his parents realised that the root cause of Ben's problem was the horror films their elder son constantly watched, they decided to take the TV out of the kids' room and supervise all the movies and television programmes their sons could watch. To help Ben overcome his fear of these films, they asked him if he would like to watch one of the films along with them. His parents would sit on either side of him and explain to him what was going on in the movie. They reassured him that covering his eyes during scary scenes did not mean he was being "chicken". His mom told him to think about popcorn whenever he felt scared. To that end they started to eat popcorn while watching movies. The trick worked and Ben began to assure himself that all of those creatures were just part of the stories he saw on film and could not harm him in any which way. "Eating popcorn is a harmless even enjoyable activity that, when done during a movie, helps deflect scary thoughts - popcorn being associated with movie theatres/ entertainment, somehow signifies the fantastic [unreal] nature of horror films," explains Dr McCarthy.
These examples, Dr McCarthy says, illustrate that fear manifests itself quite early in humans. "The word fear describes the thoughts, feelings and behaviour that occur when a child has the perception of some sort of danger. This means that most kinds of fears are not universal. Fear of water and of animals are examples.
"However, some of the fears are natural, innate, universal and without any social reason. Like falling from a height or fear of a strange person.
"Children develop the latter when they are about nine months old. At this age, while infants learn to identify mama', dada' and other family members, they also develop a fear of strange faces. But it need not be a matter of concern as it is part of their growing process," explains Dr McCarthy.
"All infants are born with three basic [natural] instinctive fears: fear of sudden movement; fear of loud or abrupt voices or sounds; and fear of sudden approach. Some of the fears are based on sensory experience - like a loud sound. Children, on their own, usually outgrow their anxieties, but it usually helps if the parents or guardians are supportive and understanding when it comes to addressing persistent types of fear." The difference between fears and anxiety, she explains, is fears are based on danger that is bound to happen, but anxiety is based on danger that might happen. For example, you could always fear that your loved one might have an accident on the way to meet you. Gradually that fear can develop into an anxiety. "For example, fear of strangers turns into social anxiety."
Some of these fears are in accordance with age. Like fear of animals; or fear of the darkness (which happens at a young age); or fear of being rejected or social anxiety that typically occurs during adolescence.
Nightmares, night terrors and fear of darkness...
To wake up to the noise of a child screaming in his sleep is both stressful and unnerving for parents.
For child psychologists, it is important to make a distinction between nightmares and night terrors, so that parents know what to do when faced with the situation.
Dr McCarthy explains that night terrors usually happen within an hour of falling asleep. This is when the child suddenly wakes up from a state of deep sleep into a state of panic and the episode may last for a couple of minutes with the child having no recollection of what brought about the screaming episode. Once the night terror episode is over, the child is usually able to resume sleeping very quickly.
A nightmare, on the other hand, usually happens in the early morning and children can usually recall in great detail the events in their frightful dream and sometimes have difficulty falling asleep. One way to help your child relax would be to hold him or her tight and try to lull the child back to sleep with a soft soothing voice. Nightmares usually stem from real anxieties or specific problems, and knowing that you're around as your child goes back to sleep will bring some sense of safety and calm. If parents feel that the problem is recurring, then they should consult a psychologist. Psychotherapy, behaviour management, and if necessary the brief pharmacotherapy of hypnotic medication by a child psychiatrist or a child neurologist, can be considered useful methods to eliminate the symptoms of this condition.
Angel, nine, very often dreams of lying in a hammock in a dark place and suddenly being chased by a giant. In order to escape the approaching giant, he finds himself running for his life. He can see nothing in the pitch black space ahead of him, but he just keeps on running - then he wakes up from his nightmare.
What are the underlying causes of Angel's fears?
Dr McCarthy says that the fear of the dark is common among school age children. "In all cultures, darkness brings unknown situations. In children's literature, you will find a lot of things happening at night. Rumpelstiltskin (the famed character from the well-known fairy tale of the same name) - gabbling and ghosts, etc - these are what we call a collective subconscious fear of the unknown, which transfers to us from our caveman ancestors.
"Fear of the darkness is a natural fear, it is not persistent, but some children may keep it until adolescence.
"That is the reason why sometimes a child will refuse to go to the toilet alone if he or she has to walk past a dark hallway and into an unlit bathroom. Some children even hide their compulsion to use the toilet just to avoid going there alone.
"One way of addressing this fear is by keeping your child company when he or she has to go to a place [such as a bathroom] alone. Stay close to the door or keep the door ajar as your child uses the toilet and talk in a soothing voice if your child wishes to converse. Keep the lights in the hallway on or keep on a lamp. As the activity is repeated and becomes routine, your child will eventually overcome his/her fear," she says.
"Parents need to take their children's fear and anxiety seriously. If they are not addressed properly it will interfere in a child's healthy development. For example, an anxious child will develop low self-esteem and social isolation.
Separation anxiety...
Separation anxiety manifests itself in excessive anxiety concerning separation from a mother or other individual that a child is attached to. Normally, the child is worried that he or she will lose the attached person or possible harm will come to him or her. These children are afraid of being alone at home without major attachment figures and normally refuse to go to sleep because they think that something bad will happen to their parents. In separation anxiety, children complain of physical symptoms like stomach ache, vomiting, etc.
This kind of fear is usually considered to be a sign of development among toddlers, says Dr McCarthy. "We have noticed that while the kids are still under two, they do not get anxious if they do not see their parents around them for a long period of time, even though they might cling to them while they are around. Once they grow older, most toddlers refuse to be separated from their parents and grow extremely anxious whenever mom or dad goes out of the house.
"In such cases, it's usually better to explain to them why you have to go and say a proper goodbye instead of sneaking or skulking out of the house. Once the baby realises that mom and dad are going to be away for a few hours and not for good, he will be able to adjust to the temporary absence of either one or both parents."
Amiel, eight, Angel's younger brother for example, has come to accept that his mother needs to leave the house for work every day in the morning and will come back home by 7pm. "If she is getting delayed, then she should call us and let us know. Otherwise, we will be really worried about her," says the little boy.
For ten-year-old, Megan and her sister Meher, who is 11, the story is not very different. The two girls are fine if their parents go out of town during their school days, but they get anxious if this happens over the weekend - leaving them in the care of a relative.
School phobia or school refusal...
Children with separation anxiety can develop school phobia. Statistics of children with school phobia show that 20 per cent will develop serious problems and 60 per cent will develop adjustment problems in adult life.
"Sudden changes or transitions can also be a source of anxiety for children. For example, moving to a new neighbourhood, the loss or death of a pet, the first day of school, etc, can trigger off extreme anxieties amongst kids," explains Dr McCarthy.
"School phobia is more than just a dislike for coming to school [usually referred to as truancy]. Children who do not like school can come to school without fear, but try to avoid going to school because they would rather be doing something else such as playing at home or catching butterflies.
"Genuine school phobia is usually physically manifested in different ways such as cold sweats, paleness, trembling and frequent urination. Children who are afraid of going to school may make up all kinds of excuses not to attend their classes, even by faking an illness. What causes such anxieties to occur in certain children is also varied.
"Sometimes children who are overly-protected by their parents, fear the thought of leaving the care of their parents, even if it just for a few hours of schoolwork. Others may have developed a fear-based attitude towards school according to what they hear about teachers and how they discipline children. Some other causes could be trauma, bereavement, prolonged absence due to an illness and many others.
"Parents can help their kids adjust to changes such as going [or going back] to school, by giving their child constant reassurance that school is a good place to learn new things. For kids who are going to school for the very first time, it usually helps if the parent stays outside the classroom for the first few days, gradually reducing the time of stay and then completely leaving the child behind once he/she has gained confidence, made friends/playmates and begins trusting the teacher. It is always a good thing to get to know your child's teachers and friends to understand of how the child is doing and what he/she is going through," adds Dr McCarthy.
"To help children overcome their trepidation of sudden changes, parents must try to prepare their children by explaining what leads to such events and even why they happen."
Fear of animals, needles and more
Meher has been experiencing frightening dreams and the fear born of these dreams disables her daily ability to feel normal and happy. Terrified of snakes, Meher says she started having nightmares about them when she was about four or five. Usually, the trigger would be being in a strange place. Though the frequency of these nightmares has reduced considerably over the years, she continues to be victimised by her nightmares.
Mira, age seven, on the other hand, is scared of bees. She once saw her playmate, who had been stung by a bee, getting "all swollen" and having difficulty breathing before being rushed to a hospital. The sight of her friend in pain, scared her so much that she continues to avoids being in a garden by herself.
"For most children, needles, clinics and hospitals are sources of fear. Children associate hospitals or clinics with crying babies and children, sickness or being unwell. Add to this, the experience of being vaccinated several times and the child has a not-so-nice opinion of why they should keep away from clinics and hospitals altogether. The painful prick of the needle is not something a child would miss in spite of the soothing voice of his parent, the nurse or the doctor. And the bigger the needle, all the worse the experience will be for a child.
"I remember seeing a child faint at the sight of a needle during a routine booster shot in a children's clinic. The little girl just passed out and had to be revived later. Her mom helped her calm down as the doctor explained why the booster shot was required. Later, rather unwillingly, she let the doctor inject her as she clutched at her teddy bear.
"Other common childhood fears are: fear of falling, fear of performance, fear of rejection/failure, fear of monsters, fear of parent's divorce or family break-up and many others.
"Whatever the source of fear, parents and other caring authority figures must learn to help the child overcome the anxieties that keep them from enjoying a happy and healthy childhood," believes Dr McCarthy.
How can Parents Help Kids Overcome Fears?
First of all, says Dr McCarthy, find the source of fear. For example, your five-year-old daughter has been invited to attend a children's birthday party, and she refuses to go. If you child has never gone to a birthday party before, then this is quite understandable and you may need to accompany her to the birthday party and remain until she feels comfortable enough to be left alone with the other kids and the party entertainers.
The duration in which children can overcome fear also depends on the personality of the child and how the children see their parents handle fear. If your child sees you jump at the sight of a cockroach or a mouse, they may pattern their reaction towards these creatures after yours.
Situations vary among different individuals. I know of one person who never learned to swim because her mom always feared that her daughter would drown. She just warned her daughter to stay away from the deep end of the pool and to never go into the sea.
Then there's this man who grew up with a passive father who was always fearful of what others thought. The son was a lot like his father until his early teens until he outgrew this type of personality, gained confidence and grew up to become a chief of police.
Fears are a part of growing up. What you need to do is get to know and respect your child's fears, allow them to slowly work through the source (the use of force or overexposure to the source of fear will not help), understand how your child can cope with their fears and see if you may need to intervene. Educate yourself on the various kinds of fear children may experience to better equip yourself in guiding them.
When is it Time to Call a Professional?
Fears, as mentioned earlier, are feelings that children typically outgrow through the years as they learn, understand and get gradually exposed to the sources of their anxieties.
However, when these fears become unusually disruptive and turn into phobias, parents may no longer be able to properly address the situation and may need to consult a guidance counsellor, child psychologist or any qualified professional.
Fear is considered disruptive and serious if it interrupts the child's normal development. In the case of phobias, the fear is magnified to a point that it overwhelms the sufferer, hampering his ability to function normally leading to childhood depression.
http://gulfnews.com/life-style/parenting/fears-and-phobias-in-children-1.743984
You play the DVD of The Jungle Book, wanting to share your sense of joy and adventure with your four year old, hoping he will enjoy the escapades of Mowgli as much as you did when you saw the movie the first time. However, that's not what happens. Instead the moment he sees Kaa, the slithering Indian python, or Shere Khan, the Bengal tiger with a gruff voice, he cringes with fear, until finally halfway through the film he erupts into a raucous bawl that nearly flips you out. No amount of hushing and shushing him can calm him down. All that is left to do is click off the movie.
What can have been so scary in a cartoon film you wonder? Why is your child reacting to a cartoon tiger with fear? Where does this fear stem from? Is it just your child? As a dozen more disquieting questions flood your mind, you are compelled to ask yourself: Did I do something wrong as a parent to make my child fearful? Then it strikes you that it was only last night that you threatened him with a visit from The Bogeyman' if he didn't finish his dinner. Was that a serious offence?
"Fear of the monsters is part of the human subconscious collective fears. When our heroes are fighting against the monsters or giants that come in all shapes - like a snake with two heads or dragons - we believe that monsters mean harm and we need to protect ourselves from them," explains Dr Roghy McCarthy, a renowned psychologist who runs a Counselling and Development Clinic in Jumeirah, Dubai; and author of a children's educational colouring book titled Learn to say NO. She talks of the reasons why children develop fears - valid as well as illogical.
According to Dr McCarthy, the common sources of fear are experience (trauma) and the environment.
For instance, take ten-year-old Gen Lim, who was bitten by a neighbour's pet dog when she was five. Prior to this event, she used to enjoy playing with pets - both cats and dogs. However, this single incident not only scarred her physically, but emotionally as well. No amount of encouragement from her parents could once again get Gen to feed her own pet dogs or even play with them. Even if a dog barked in some far corner of her neighbourhood, she would cower in fear.
Ben Ross, seven, shares a room with his older brother Robbie, eight - a big fan of horror films. Every time Robbie played a DVD in their room, Ben had no choice but to listen and sometimes watch these films. As a consequence, instead of being entertained, Ben would quite often wake up in a cold sweat, staring into dark space, and imagining that monsters were lurking behind the curtains in his room. The fear would wipe out any chance of going back to sleep and he would lie there until he could summon up the courage to crawl out of his bed and run to the safety of his parents' room.
Once his parents realised that the root cause of Ben's problem was the horror films their elder son constantly watched, they decided to take the TV out of the kids' room and supervise all the movies and television programmes their sons could watch. To help Ben overcome his fear of these films, they asked him if he would like to watch one of the films along with them. His parents would sit on either side of him and explain to him what was going on in the movie. They reassured him that covering his eyes during scary scenes did not mean he was being "chicken". His mom told him to think about popcorn whenever he felt scared. To that end they started to eat popcorn while watching movies. The trick worked and Ben began to assure himself that all of those creatures were just part of the stories he saw on film and could not harm him in any which way. "Eating popcorn is a harmless even enjoyable activity that, when done during a movie, helps deflect scary thoughts - popcorn being associated with movie theatres/ entertainment, somehow signifies the fantastic [unreal] nature of horror films," explains Dr McCarthy.
These examples, Dr McCarthy says, illustrate that fear manifests itself quite early in humans. "The word fear describes the thoughts, feelings and behaviour that occur when a child has the perception of some sort of danger. This means that most kinds of fears are not universal. Fear of water and of animals are examples.
"However, some of the fears are natural, innate, universal and without any social reason. Like falling from a height or fear of a strange person.
"Children develop the latter when they are about nine months old. At this age, while infants learn to identify mama', dada' and other family members, they also develop a fear of strange faces. But it need not be a matter of concern as it is part of their growing process," explains Dr McCarthy.
"All infants are born with three basic [natural] instinctive fears: fear of sudden movement; fear of loud or abrupt voices or sounds; and fear of sudden approach. Some of the fears are based on sensory experience - like a loud sound. Children, on their own, usually outgrow their anxieties, but it usually helps if the parents or guardians are supportive and understanding when it comes to addressing persistent types of fear." The difference between fears and anxiety, she explains, is fears are based on danger that is bound to happen, but anxiety is based on danger that might happen. For example, you could always fear that your loved one might have an accident on the way to meet you. Gradually that fear can develop into an anxiety. "For example, fear of strangers turns into social anxiety."
Some of these fears are in accordance with age. Like fear of animals; or fear of the darkness (which happens at a young age); or fear of being rejected or social anxiety that typically occurs during adolescence.
Nightmares, night terrors and fear of darkness...
To wake up to the noise of a child screaming in his sleep is both stressful and unnerving for parents.
For child psychologists, it is important to make a distinction between nightmares and night terrors, so that parents know what to do when faced with the situation.
Dr McCarthy explains that night terrors usually happen within an hour of falling asleep. This is when the child suddenly wakes up from a state of deep sleep into a state of panic and the episode may last for a couple of minutes with the child having no recollection of what brought about the screaming episode. Once the night terror episode is over, the child is usually able to resume sleeping very quickly.
A nightmare, on the other hand, usually happens in the early morning and children can usually recall in great detail the events in their frightful dream and sometimes have difficulty falling asleep. One way to help your child relax would be to hold him or her tight and try to lull the child back to sleep with a soft soothing voice. Nightmares usually stem from real anxieties or specific problems, and knowing that you're around as your child goes back to sleep will bring some sense of safety and calm. If parents feel that the problem is recurring, then they should consult a psychologist. Psychotherapy, behaviour management, and if necessary the brief pharmacotherapy of hypnotic medication by a child psychiatrist or a child neurologist, can be considered useful methods to eliminate the symptoms of this condition.
Angel, nine, very often dreams of lying in a hammock in a dark place and suddenly being chased by a giant. In order to escape the approaching giant, he finds himself running for his life. He can see nothing in the pitch black space ahead of him, but he just keeps on running - then he wakes up from his nightmare.
What are the underlying causes of Angel's fears?
Dr McCarthy says that the fear of the dark is common among school age children. "In all cultures, darkness brings unknown situations. In children's literature, you will find a lot of things happening at night. Rumpelstiltskin (the famed character from the well-known fairy tale of the same name) - gabbling and ghosts, etc - these are what we call a collective subconscious fear of the unknown, which transfers to us from our caveman ancestors.
"Fear of the darkness is a natural fear, it is not persistent, but some children may keep it until adolescence.
"That is the reason why sometimes a child will refuse to go to the toilet alone if he or she has to walk past a dark hallway and into an unlit bathroom. Some children even hide their compulsion to use the toilet just to avoid going there alone.
"One way of addressing this fear is by keeping your child company when he or she has to go to a place [such as a bathroom] alone. Stay close to the door or keep the door ajar as your child uses the toilet and talk in a soothing voice if your child wishes to converse. Keep the lights in the hallway on or keep on a lamp. As the activity is repeated and becomes routine, your child will eventually overcome his/her fear," she says.
"Parents need to take their children's fear and anxiety seriously. If they are not addressed properly it will interfere in a child's healthy development. For example, an anxious child will develop low self-esteem and social isolation.
Separation anxiety...
Separation anxiety manifests itself in excessive anxiety concerning separation from a mother or other individual that a child is attached to. Normally, the child is worried that he or she will lose the attached person or possible harm will come to him or her. These children are afraid of being alone at home without major attachment figures and normally refuse to go to sleep because they think that something bad will happen to their parents. In separation anxiety, children complain of physical symptoms like stomach ache, vomiting, etc.
This kind of fear is usually considered to be a sign of development among toddlers, says Dr McCarthy. "We have noticed that while the kids are still under two, they do not get anxious if they do not see their parents around them for a long period of time, even though they might cling to them while they are around. Once they grow older, most toddlers refuse to be separated from their parents and grow extremely anxious whenever mom or dad goes out of the house.
"In such cases, it's usually better to explain to them why you have to go and say a proper goodbye instead of sneaking or skulking out of the house. Once the baby realises that mom and dad are going to be away for a few hours and not for good, he will be able to adjust to the temporary absence of either one or both parents."
Amiel, eight, Angel's younger brother for example, has come to accept that his mother needs to leave the house for work every day in the morning and will come back home by 7pm. "If she is getting delayed, then she should call us and let us know. Otherwise, we will be really worried about her," says the little boy.
For ten-year-old, Megan and her sister Meher, who is 11, the story is not very different. The two girls are fine if their parents go out of town during their school days, but they get anxious if this happens over the weekend - leaving them in the care of a relative.
School phobia or school refusal...
Children with separation anxiety can develop school phobia. Statistics of children with school phobia show that 20 per cent will develop serious problems and 60 per cent will develop adjustment problems in adult life.
"Sudden changes or transitions can also be a source of anxiety for children. For example, moving to a new neighbourhood, the loss or death of a pet, the first day of school, etc, can trigger off extreme anxieties amongst kids," explains Dr McCarthy.
"School phobia is more than just a dislike for coming to school [usually referred to as truancy]. Children who do not like school can come to school without fear, but try to avoid going to school because they would rather be doing something else such as playing at home or catching butterflies.
"Genuine school phobia is usually physically manifested in different ways such as cold sweats, paleness, trembling and frequent urination. Children who are afraid of going to school may make up all kinds of excuses not to attend their classes, even by faking an illness. What causes such anxieties to occur in certain children is also varied.
"Sometimes children who are overly-protected by their parents, fear the thought of leaving the care of their parents, even if it just for a few hours of schoolwork. Others may have developed a fear-based attitude towards school according to what they hear about teachers and how they discipline children. Some other causes could be trauma, bereavement, prolonged absence due to an illness and many others.
"Parents can help their kids adjust to changes such as going [or going back] to school, by giving their child constant reassurance that school is a good place to learn new things. For kids who are going to school for the very first time, it usually helps if the parent stays outside the classroom for the first few days, gradually reducing the time of stay and then completely leaving the child behind once he/she has gained confidence, made friends/playmates and begins trusting the teacher. It is always a good thing to get to know your child's teachers and friends to understand of how the child is doing and what he/she is going through," adds Dr McCarthy.
"To help children overcome their trepidation of sudden changes, parents must try to prepare their children by explaining what leads to such events and even why they happen."
Fear of animals, needles and more
Meher has been experiencing frightening dreams and the fear born of these dreams disables her daily ability to feel normal and happy. Terrified of snakes, Meher says she started having nightmares about them when she was about four or five. Usually, the trigger would be being in a strange place. Though the frequency of these nightmares has reduced considerably over the years, she continues to be victimised by her nightmares.
Mira, age seven, on the other hand, is scared of bees. She once saw her playmate, who had been stung by a bee, getting "all swollen" and having difficulty breathing before being rushed to a hospital. The sight of her friend in pain, scared her so much that she continues to avoids being in a garden by herself.
"For most children, needles, clinics and hospitals are sources of fear. Children associate hospitals or clinics with crying babies and children, sickness or being unwell. Add to this, the experience of being vaccinated several times and the child has a not-so-nice opinion of why they should keep away from clinics and hospitals altogether. The painful prick of the needle is not something a child would miss in spite of the soothing voice of his parent, the nurse or the doctor. And the bigger the needle, all the worse the experience will be for a child.
"I remember seeing a child faint at the sight of a needle during a routine booster shot in a children's clinic. The little girl just passed out and had to be revived later. Her mom helped her calm down as the doctor explained why the booster shot was required. Later, rather unwillingly, she let the doctor inject her as she clutched at her teddy bear.
"Other common childhood fears are: fear of falling, fear of performance, fear of rejection/failure, fear of monsters, fear of parent's divorce or family break-up and many others.
"Whatever the source of fear, parents and other caring authority figures must learn to help the child overcome the anxieties that keep them from enjoying a happy and healthy childhood," believes Dr McCarthy.
How can Parents Help Kids Overcome Fears?
First of all, says Dr McCarthy, find the source of fear. For example, your five-year-old daughter has been invited to attend a children's birthday party, and she refuses to go. If you child has never gone to a birthday party before, then this is quite understandable and you may need to accompany her to the birthday party and remain until she feels comfortable enough to be left alone with the other kids and the party entertainers.
The duration in which children can overcome fear also depends on the personality of the child and how the children see their parents handle fear. If your child sees you jump at the sight of a cockroach or a mouse, they may pattern their reaction towards these creatures after yours.
Situations vary among different individuals. I know of one person who never learned to swim because her mom always feared that her daughter would drown. She just warned her daughter to stay away from the deep end of the pool and to never go into the sea.
Then there's this man who grew up with a passive father who was always fearful of what others thought. The son was a lot like his father until his early teens until he outgrew this type of personality, gained confidence and grew up to become a chief of police.
Fears are a part of growing up. What you need to do is get to know and respect your child's fears, allow them to slowly work through the source (the use of force or overexposure to the source of fear will not help), understand how your child can cope with their fears and see if you may need to intervene. Educate yourself on the various kinds of fear children may experience to better equip yourself in guiding them.
When is it Time to Call a Professional?
Fears, as mentioned earlier, are feelings that children typically outgrow through the years as they learn, understand and get gradually exposed to the sources of their anxieties.
However, when these fears become unusually disruptive and turn into phobias, parents may no longer be able to properly address the situation and may need to consult a guidance counsellor, child psychologist or any qualified professional.
Fear is considered disruptive and serious if it interrupts the child's normal development. In the case of phobias, the fear is magnified to a point that it overwhelms the sufferer, hampering his ability to function normally leading to childhood depression.
