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The rights of the husband and the wife
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Islam has enjoined upon the husband duties towards his wife, and vice versa, and among these duties are some which are shared by both husband and wife.
We will mention by the help of Allaah some of the texts of the Quraan and Sunnah which have to do with the duties of the spouses towards one another, quoting also from the commentaries and views of the scholars.
Firstly:
The rights of the wife which are hers alone:
The wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation.
And she has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives, being treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband.
1.Financial rights
(a) The mahr (dowry). This is the money to which the wife is entitled from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart [al-Nisaa 4:4]
The prescription of the mahr demonstrates the seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the woman.
The mahr is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqahaa; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention of the mahr, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)
[al-Baqarah 2:236]
The fact that divorce is permitted before consummation of the marriage or before stipulating the mahr indicates that it is permissible not to stipulate the mahr in the marriage-contract.
If the mahr is stipulated, it becomes obligatory upon the husband; if it is not stipulated, then he must give the mahr that is given to women of similar status to his wife.
(b) Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife make herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is not entitled to that spending.
The reason why it is obligatory to spend on her is that the woman is available only to her husband, because of the marriage contract, and she is not allowed to leave the marital home except with his permission. So he has to spend on her and provide for her, and this is in return for her making herself available to him for his pleasure.
What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and accommodation. She has the right to these things even if she is rich, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mothers food and clothing on a reasonable basis
[al-Baqarah 2:233]
Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him [al-Talaaq 65:7]
From the Sunnah:
The Prophet
It was narrated that Aaishah said: Hind bint Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)
It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah
Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner
(Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
(c) Accommodation. This is also one of the wifes rights, which means that her husband should prepare for her accommodation according to his means and ability.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means [al-Talaaq 65:6]
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2. Non-financial rights
(i) Fair treatment of co-wives. One of the rights that a wife has over her husband is that she and her co-wives should be treated equally, if the husband has other wives, with regard to nights spent with them, spending and clothing.
(ii) Kind treatment. The husband must have a good attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her everything that may soften her heart towards him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
and live with them honourably [al-Nisaa 4:19]
And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable
[al-Baqarah 2:228]
From the Sunnah:
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah
There follow examples of the kind treatment of the Prophet
1. It was narrated from Zaynab bint Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said: I got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet
She said: And she told me that the Prophet
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 316; Muslim, 296)
2. It was narrated that Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said: Aaishah said: By Allaah, I saw the Messenger of Allaah
3. It was narrated from Aaishah the Mother of the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1068)
(c) Not harming ones wife.
This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is haraam in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming ones wife.
It was narrated from Ubaadah ibn al-Saamit that the Messenger of Allaah
This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Imaam Ahmad, al-Haakim, Ibn al-Salaah and others. See Khalaasat al-Badr al-Muneer, 2/438.
Among the things to which the Lawgiver drew attention in this matter is the prohibition of hitting or beating in a severe manner.
It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah
Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner
(Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
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Secondly:
The husbands rights over his wife.
The rights of the husband over his wife are among the greatest rights; indeed his rights over her are greater than her rights over him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them
[al-Baqarah 2:228]
al-Jassaas said: Allaah tells us in this aayah that each of the spouses has rights over the other, and that the husband has one particular right over his wife which she does not have over him.
Ibn al-Arabi said: this text states that he has some preference over her with regard to rights and duties of marriage.
These rights include:
(a) The obligation of obedience. Allaah has made the man a qawwaam (protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding, directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue of the physical and mental faculties that Allaah has given only to men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means [al-Nisaa 4:34]
Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn Abbaas: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women means, they are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allaah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil, al-Saddi and al-Dahhaak.
(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/492)
(b) Making herself available to her husband. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that he should be able to enjoy her (physically). If he marries a woman and she is able to have intercourse, she is obliged to submit herself to him according to the contract, if he asks her. That is after he gives her the immediate mahr, and gives her some time two or three days, if she asks for that to sort herself out, because that is something that she needs, and because that is not too long and is customary.
If a wife refuses to respond to her husbands request for intercourse, she has done something haraam and has committed a major sin, unless she has a valid shari excuse such as menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah
(c) Not admitting anyone whom the husband dislikes. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that she should not permit anyone whom he dislikes to enter his house.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026)
It was narrated from Sulaymaan ibn Amr ibn al-Ahwas: my father told me that he was present at the Farewell Pilgrimage (Hujjat al-Wadaa) with the Messenger of Allaah
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1163 he said this is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. Also narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1851)
It was narrated that Jaabir said: [the Prophet]
Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner
(Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
(d) Not going out of the house except with the husbands permission. One of the rights of the husband over his wife is that she should not go out of the house except with his permission.
The Shaafais and Hanbalis said: she does not have the right to visit (even) her sick father except with the permission of her husband, and he has the right to prevent her from doing that because obedience to the husband is obligatory, and it is not permitted to neglect an obligatory action for something that is not obligatory.
(e) Discipline. The husband has the right to discipline his wife if she disobeys him in something good, not if she disobeys him in something sinful, because Allaah has enjoined disciplining women by forsaking them in bed and by hitting them, when they do not obey.
The Hanafis mentioned four situations in which a husband is permitted to discipline his wife by hitting her. These are: not adorning herself when he wants her to; not responding when he calls her to bed and she is taahirah (pure, i.e., not menstruating); not praying; and going out of the house without his permission.
The evidence that it is permissible to discipline one's wife includes the aayahs (interpretation of the meaning):
As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)
[al-Nisaa 4:34]
O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones
[al-Tahreem 66:6]
Ibn Katheer said:
Qutaadah said: you should command them to obey Allaah, and forbid them to disobey Allaah; you should be in charge of them in accordance with the command of Allaah, and instruct them to follow the commands of Allaah, and help them to do so. If you see any act of disobedience towards Allaah, then stop them from doing it and rebuke them for that.
This was also the view of al-Dahhaak and Muqaatil: that the duty of the Muslim is to teach his family, including his relatives and his slaves, that which Allaah has enjoined upon them and that which He has forbidden them. (Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/392)
(f) The wife serving her husband. There is a great deal of evidence (daleel) for this, some of which has been mentioned above.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:
She is obliged to serve her husband according to what is reasonable among people of similar standing. That varies according to circumstances: the way in which a Bedouin woman serves (her husband) will not be like the way of a town-dweller, and the way of a strong woman will not be like the way of a weak woman.
(al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561)
(g) Submitting herself to him. Once the conditions of the marriage-contract have been fulfilled and it is valid, then the woman is obliged to submit herself to her husband and allow him to enjoy her (physically), because once the contract is completed, he is allowed in return to enjoy her, and the wife is entitled to the compensation which is the mahr.
(h) The wife should treat her husband in a good manner, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable
[al-Baqarah 2:228]
Al-Qurtubi said:
It was also narrated from him i.e., Ibn Abbaas that this means: they have the right to good companionship and kind and reasonable treatment from their husbands just as they are obliged to obey the commands of their husbands.
And it was said that they have the right that their husbands should not harm them, and their husbands have a similar right over them. This was the view of al-Tabari.
Ibn Zayd said: You should fear Allaah concerning them just as they should fear Allaah concerning you.
The meanings are similar, and the aayah includes all of that in the rights and duties of marriage.
(Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 3/123-124)
And Allaah knows best.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
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Muhammed Ibn Ulaysh Al-Maaliki
