How lonliness kills you
- Thread starter Masud Javed
- Start date
Westerners sometimes envy us for having people around us for various reasons, but surprisingly, for marriage! Many of them would love to be match-made as it takes the pressure to hunt bars, clubs, social gatherings, work places, dating apps, etc. for partners, off! Who would've thought..
Iconoclast
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Depends how one is wired. I personally prefer being alone. It helps me collect my thoughts. Seclusion and solitude is where I sort those thoughts out to make sense of things around me.
Social engagements and the vapidity of it all kills me.
Social engagements and the vapidity of it all kills me.
Agreed. Ditto. When most people take 'me time breaks', some could use a 'we time break.' And that's when it could be undesirable. Potentially.
Vitamin_C
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Honestly I think arranged marriages are a terrible idea. Only after dating several girls, I was able to figure out the perfect person I want to share my life with. Going to bars, clubs, social gatherings is not an issue, I do it anyway even if I am not looking to meet girls as social life is important. Even better than bars is meeting girls doing activities that you enjoy like if you like working out or rock-climbing then meet girls at the gym.
The problem is not bars or clubs, the problem is people are not going to those places anymore and they think its not normal for people to meet in public places but rather they should meet on social media or dating apps. Social media and dating apps are responsible for much of the depression and loneliness. I think everyone should take a few hours per week to go outside and meet new people or spend time with friends.
As for arrange marriages, I do not want to be stuck with someone who I potentially share nothing in common with or not into that person. Its even worse for the other person for not receiving the attention and thinking its because of something that they are doing wrong. Atleast when you are dating and you feel like the other person is not right for you, you can move on and find someone else.
The problem is not bars or clubs, the problem is people are not going to those places anymore and they think its not normal for people to meet in public places but rather they should meet on social media or dating apps. Social media and dating apps are responsible for much of the depression and loneliness. I think everyone should take a few hours per week to go outside and meet new people or spend time with friends.
As for arrange marriages, I do not want to be stuck with someone who I potentially share nothing in common with or not into that person. Its even worse for the other person for not receiving the attention and thinking its because of something that they are doing wrong. Atleast when you are dating and you feel like the other person is not right for you, you can move on and find someone else.
Vitamin_C
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
For me its a struggle to find a balance between being alone or partying too hard. If I am around people too long I get tired of them and need my alone time. If I am alone too long I get lonely, depressed and socially awkward.
PIND-WALA
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
And some people spend their lifetime hitting bars and social scenes and yet never manage to find a partner. Arranged marriage is not magic potion but it does take lot of stress away.
Iconoclast
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Yeah you sound like an outgoing person and need to tone down, take breaks from time to time which is fair enough and nothing wrong with that as long as that's what you prefer.
For me, I neither do bars/clubs nor social media apps etc. The thought of socializing regardless of the medium gives me shudders.
I prefer spending my time arguing with the chaotic voices in my head somewhere in the wild if not my place and the few people I can actually tolerate to transgress through my personal space.
So not an introvert in the orthodox sense (I've been living in the mountains of northern areas for 6, 7 months now and I'm absolutely enjoying it). I just avoid cities and people, as much as I can.
Well match making did not mean arranged marriage. It could be a way of bringing people together. You take it from there. As for walking out option in dating, marriage doesn't stop many either. I agree with your point regarding making time for outdoor activities and second-hand socialising. In principle.
Vitamin_C
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
If socializing with people is stressful for someone then they have greater problems to deal with than getting married.
Vitamin_C
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
I am an extreme introvert, so if I go out after I long time I will be very socially awkward, but after socializing for a while I get used to it very fast. I have never used social media app and I find it very easy to meet women anywhere I go.
Vitamin_C
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Divorce is frowned upon in Pakistan. Arrange marriage can work if you have known the other family since childhood. But in modern day we marry people who are complete strangers and that makes it even more risky. And the people who we grow up with are often our relatives or cousins which increases genetic diseases in Pakistan.
You can see marriages working well in traditional societies in USA like the Amish because those people lived side to side and grew up together and then got married with divorce rates of less than 10%. But in large cities the divorce rates are over 50%.
You can see marriages working well in traditional societies in USA like the Amish because those people lived side to side and grew up together and then got married with divorce rates of less than 10%. But in large cities the divorce rates are over 50%.
Iconoclast
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Partrying too hard wouldn't make you an introvert but then again you know yourself better than anybody else.
I could get out of my cave after 10 years and instantly switch on. Socializing for me isn't an issue. It's easy for me to engage and interact. I just prefer not to.
Win some, lose some. Complicated mess. Oh well.
Vitamin_C
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
I did personality tests, some were intro some were extra but they were all on the border. I guess we can switch between the two when we want instead of being on any extreme.
Iconoclast
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Hah so you're normal! Cheer up and kudos.
Citizen X
(50k+ posts) بابائے فورم
I totally hate this south east asian concept of arranged marriages which is basically a marriage of two families rather than two people and usually its the incompatibility of the families rather than the married couple that causes problems later on.
Now even mullahs are advising couples to get married and move out of the house and live in your own house. And I have see this work personally for a few friends too, all their marriage troubles ended when they moved out and started living n their own.
Fact is no two desi women other than mother, daughter and sister can live peacefully under the same roof.
I just thank God everyday I didn't have to go through any of this. I just looked at what was happening around me and decided to learn from their mistakes.
Now even mullahs are advising couples to get married and move out of the house and live in your own house. And I have see this work personally for a few friends too, all their marriage troubles ended when they moved out and started living n their own.
Fact is no two desi women other than mother, daughter and sister can live peacefully under the same roof.
I just thank God everyday I didn't have to go through any of this. I just looked at what was happening around me and decided to learn from their mistakes.
