Narcissist
Banned
Feel-good facts for bad feeling Pakistanis
BY NADEEM F. PARACHA
Furry Factoid #1: Muslims walked on the moon centuries before the Americans did.
How ironic it is that for decades Muslim children have been taught that it was an American astronaut, Neil Armstrong, who was the first man to walk on the moon (in 1969).
Though Armstrong did walk on the moon, he was NOT the first man to do so. Surprised? Of course you are, because after all we have been taught history written by biased Orientalists.
We have forgotten that it was actually a Muslim warrior, Muhammad Bin Qasim, who was the first man to walk on the moon. And he did so in the 8th century AD!
Just before he conquered Sindh in the subcontinent, Qasim was a young camel expert and amateur astronomer (all before he turned five). At age 15, he succeeded in breeding a special kind of Arab camel that could run faster than the speed of light and also fly.
Qasim then told the governor of Baghdad that he was ready to conquer not only the whole world but the moon too. However, the governor was a tad short-sighted and wanted him to stick to just conquering Sindh.
Qasim blasted his camel and men towards Sindh, but overshot it by, say, a few million miles, and ended up on the surface of the moon.
Being a wily astronomer, he had also invented the world’s first ever astronaut suit and helmet made from, yup, you guessed it, camel skin and bones.
Nevertheless, finding the moon to be a somewhat boring place with little gravity and all and absolutely no date palms, Qasim shot back and this time finally landed in Sindh. Unfortunately his camel died on impact and was buried in what is today Hyderabad in the Qasim Islamic Republic of Pakistan.
After Qasim’s death (from rotten vegetarian food that he was given by Sindh’s scheming Hindus), Muslims lost all the know-how and technology invented by Captain Qasim.
Then in 1960, American CIA agents masquerading as archeologists, dug up the remains of Qasim’s camel in Hyderabad and used its skeleton to build the very rocket (Apollo 11) that took Armstrong to the moon.
Captain Qasim’s miraculous feat was all but forgotten in the mist of Orientalist history, Western propaganda and some bad hip-hop music. Shame.
Furry Factoid #2: It was the great Mughal king, Aurangzeb, who replaced ‘Khuda-Hafiz’ with ‘Allah-Hafiz.’It’s good to see so many Pakistani and Indian Muslims now saying ‘Allah-Hafiz’ instead of ‘Khuda-Hafiz.’Many liberals claim that the practice of saying Allah-Hafiz was invented in the 1980s during Ziaul Haq’s regime and then gained momentum in the 1990s.
Yes, many hard-working and pious scholars, reformers, Islamic evangelists and your reborn posh aunt did a wonderful job campaigning for the eradication of the adulterated quasi-Muslim greeting of Khuda Hafiz – but the truth is, it was the greatest Mughal king, Aurangzeb Alamgir, who was the first Muslim to start saying Allah-Hafiz instead of Khuda Hafiz.
After defeating his brothers (all of whom were Khuda-Hafizians in the mould of the communist Mughal king, Akbar), Aurangzeb got down to correcting the wrongs done to Islam and the subcontinent’s Muslims by Akbar and other such royal wine drinkers.
‘I will crush Khuda Hafizism!’ Aurangzeb is reported to have said (in Arabic). ‘But first, I need to go to the washroom,’ he added (in Persian).
During Aurangzeb’s reign, any Muslim saying Khuda Hafiz was beheaded, and any Hindu saying Allah Hafiz was asked to behead his cow.
The practice of saying Allah Hafiz became widespread but after the tragic death of Aurangzeb at the young age of 90, Muslims reverted back to saying Khuda Hafiz. They also started to drink wine again.
Now, some four centuries later, mashallah, we are getting back to saying the right thing: Allah-Hafiz!
This will morally cleanse our society, boost up the economy, eradicate poverty, eliminate corruption and make Pakistan win the next cricket World Cup! Yea.
Furry Factoid #666: Suicide is haraam but only if committed for trivial matters such as a failed love affair, loss of job or loved one, mental illness, etc. However, suicide is okay if committed to obliterate kafirs or would-be-kafirs or sound-like-kafirs or semi-kafirs or kafirs-just-because-you-say-so or kafirs-just-for-the-heck-of-it and so on and so forth.
http://www.dawn.com/2011/09/08/feel-good-facts-for-bad-feeling-pakistanis.html
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