Mother: An ideal Institution for child
By: Qazi Dr. Shaikh Abbas Borhany
Published in Daily News, Pakistan on 09-07-2010
1. Mother is the Best Teacher:
A mother should be an ideal example for her child and if she wants to present a healthy Muslim to the society, she must be faithful to Allah. A pious and virtuous mother is a gift to her family. She is a shining example for her off spring to follow. Due to her constant contact with her children she can be the best teacher for them. Curiosity, kindness and grace exist in every child and the best example is the mother. Children observe and absorb the conduct of their parents; especially their mother. Therefore, the mother should be careful about her conduct and actions. Her negligence may become the cause of her childs destruction. The behavior of the mother with her child should be like a close friend so that they could learn warm heartedly. Moral Talim is needed more nowadays then in the past years. It is the only healthy manner to explain the difference in between good and evil. It requires a healthy spirit, awareness, piety, chastity, honor, affection and etiquettes. Even if she has all these qualities, she may not be called a mother unless she acts accordingly and contributes for the children to the best of her ability.
A Hadith says:
Everyone is born on the Fitrah (nature) of Islam, but their parents make him a Jew, Christian, or an irreligious
Parents should know that their child, when born, is pure and innocent in nature, such as the nature made by Allah in which He has made a person. Let the parents be careful in how they deal with this pure nature! In other words, a child is like gold and a skillful goldsmith is able to mold this valuable metal in the best manner. Children, after a few years, will be masters of their own families and society, and it is time that we must realize that what kind of masters we want!
2. Responsibilities of Mothers:
Duty of mothers is not confined to providing food and clothes to children. A more important responsibility is to handle the children with kindness, love and affection. Otherwise they would face several mental problems. No doubt, the lap of a mother is the first training centre for a child, who learns morality and religion from her. This is a very serious responsibility. It is only the mother who can provide to the society a healthy and useful person. Punctuality in the observance of religious obligations and affairs also draw the attention of the children and they also inclined to follow it. Speak the truth and maintain equality among children to develop their habits unconsciously. It is a very bad habit of some mothers that they spend time with their children in totally unproductive activities. Fiction stories, mythological tales are not recommended. Mothers should encourage children to read the biographies of the great personalities of Islam. Inform them about important events and warn them against the consequences of disobedience to Allah. It will help them to build their lives in the Duniya and prepare their Akhirah. Undoubtedly the above-mentioned matters can only be taught to children when they are interested in them and are attracted towards them.
The best way to create interest in children is through the mother who can teach these mattes through various activities. If father is the fountain of protection, the roses of affection are easily available in the lap of mother. Mother is the name of that peerless training institution where both saintly as well as ill habits are nurtured. Islam presents an ideal institution of motherhood, from which every mother can learn. Yes, this is the institution of Umm ul Muminin, Syedah Khudaijah, who trained her daughter, Syedah Fatimah, as an ideal of motherhood, who in turn prepared her ideal children. Besides Imam Hasan and Imam Husain, her daughters Syedah Zainab and Syedah Umm-e-Kulthums contribution for the perpetual safety of Islam will always remain shimmering. It was the out come of the Talim & Tarbiyyah of their mother Fatimah that they fixed their glorious imprint in the history of Islam. When we hear these pious names we become very sentimental due to the great reverence, but we do not follow them by acts. We have forsaken our values, culture and civilization for the blind love of the western civilization. The parents, who are under the alien to Islam influence, have become unconcerned to the Talim & Tarbiyyah of their children. They assume that it is the responsibility of the maids, governesses or school-teachers. This responsibility appears quite insignificant to the westernized women in view of their so-called social activities.
3. Healthy activities:
The need of sport activities is a part of Tarbiyyah, which is necessary during childhood and perhaps this is why children naturally take more interest in extra-curriculum activities. Appropriate games make the child happy and a game without any movement or struggle is not good or beneficial. One of the ways to develop personality in children is the participation of parents in their games. When parents take part in such activities, the self-confidence of the children naturally develops. To make a child happy is a kind of Ibadah. Rasuullah (PBUH) says:
One who has a child should behave like a child in training with him.
4. Dont ignore dress of girls:
Today we are observing, everywhere that mothers or grand-mothers are modestly dressed and are often seen in Rida or Hijab while their daughters or grand daughters wear Jeans, Tights, T-Shirt or tight-shirts without Dupatta.. This changing social scenario makes us to think how and why these parents ignore the Talim of Quran & Sahib al Quran? Isnt it amazing that such parents while knowing the values of Islam allow their girls to wear ultra-modern dresses? This is a great problem, which is being faced by the Muslim world. The mother or grandmother is responsible for not reprimanding and teaching her daughter the values of dressing modestly. They will face the curse in this world as well as in the hereafter.
We need to change our own lives first, and work on a vision for the future. A man is a guardian over his family and shall be questioned about them (as to how he looked after their physical and moral well-being). A woman is a guardian over her husband and his children, and shall be questioned about them (as to how she managed the household and brought up the children). Our children are our best investment for the future of Islam As a Muslims we need to start taking this Amanah (trust) seriously and take responsibility through action. Insha'Allah.
5. Things to hand over to your child:
1. Knowledge of and love for Allah and the religion. This is one of the most precious and enduring gifts you can pass down to your children. It will benefit them in their life and the next.
2. No matter how little you have memorized the Quran yourself, pursue your child to memorize as much as possible. Encourage and help the kid to revise. It will allow them to have a good source of guidance in their life.
3. Sense of self-worthiness and self-esteem should be promoted. Make them feel secure in their identity and show appreciation. This will have a positive impact on future relationships and how one interacts with the world.
4. Try to teach Arabic, language of the Quran to your child, a key to understand the Quran. Also, if you have a mother-tongue or speak a second language yourself, pass it on: a second or third language is always an asset, whether in study, work or social environment.
5. Instill good housekeeping habits in all your children and encourage them to take pride in a neat and tidy home. Pass any tricks or shortcuts on so that your daughter is well-equipped when she has a home of her own.
Acquaint your child with a sense of strong roots and heritage by sharing your family background. Hopefully, the child will do the same with the next generation, Insha Allah.
6. Sense of modesty should be developed in a girl.
7. If you are an avid gardener, knitter or love painting, passes your skills onto your daughter. With so many traditional skills being lost in todays fast-speed world, you owe it to her to share your knowledge and pass it on to the next generation.
8. Teach your daughter cooking skills! Be it from a cookbook, an original recipe or passed down from your mother or even your grand-mother, we all have our own trademark recipes: pass them on to your daughter and encourage her to develop some specialties of her own.
6. Be vigilant on the activities of children:
There is a need for one of the parents to be the childrens friend, especially while living in the west. Meaning of friendship is to have a kind of relationship with the children, where parents discuss issues to them that are usually avoided. This attitude develops confidence in the children and they will approach their parents comfortably with questions. Normally it is the mother who can demonstrate the role of a friend. Usually the Mothers approach is friendlier rather than the fathers. Sometime children will cross over some limits of respect. It is advised that recognition of authority must also be established. The mother should consider following points:
1. Tone of the voice must not be harsh
2. Volume must remain under control
3. Words must be polite and respectful
Parents, who are not religiously strict later, face problems. Children are influenced by a wider range of factors other than the condition of their immediate family, friends and close community. It has always been hard to raise good kids, whatever the time and place.
In the current era, TV, Computer and Mobile are the source of destruction rather than achievement. It is better, if parents fix programs of TV for the children and has a password on computer; as well not allow them to use cell phones until the child goes to college. Parents used to review the literature, other then syllabus, just to make sure it didnt have anything inappropriate in it. This observation provides benefits to the kid in their later life. Younger siblings complain now of the strictness of parents, but Insha Allah, one day, they will see how it has made them better people.
I remember my paternal-grandmother was very strict about our daily Salaat where as none of my other class fellows had to go through that Restrictions but everyone in our surrounding appreciated and praised what my grandmother was doing.
Respect for parents is not taught in schools in west as it is in the east. In general, respecting the parents is considered a praiseworthy quality of eastern society, but in the west a child obedient/respectful to the parents can be teased among his/her friends. Perhaps due to this nasty culture, parents in the west get away with a formal relationship with their children, but in east it doesnt seem like the best option. Unfortunately in the east, due to cultural invasion of the west, we can see in the TV programs, children talking to parents in a disrespectful manner, addressing them in an angry, loud and harsh tone, assuming it to be normal. In some comedy programs even making fun of the parents is used as a comedy especially the programs geared towards teenagers.
Discuss things with your children in a manner that they feel comfortable, and answer the questions which they have. You will see that your child will grow very close to you after that discussion, Insha Allah. Judge the situation, if a child is not asking and is not so curious, and very small then there may be no need to bring up any sensitive issue, but if a child is a curious, his/her friends know about it (and especially if they go to school) then you might want to bring it up yourself and explain before they ask.
By: Qazi Dr. Shaikh Abbas Borhany
PhD (USA), NDI, Shahadah al Aalamiyah (Najaf, Iraq), M.A., LLM (Shariah)
Member, Ulama Council of Pakistan
Published in Daily News, Pakistan on 09-07-2010
1. Mother is the Best Teacher:
A mother should be an ideal example for her child and if she wants to present a healthy Muslim to the society, she must be faithful to Allah. A pious and virtuous mother is a gift to her family. She is a shining example for her off spring to follow. Due to her constant contact with her children she can be the best teacher for them. Curiosity, kindness and grace exist in every child and the best example is the mother. Children observe and absorb the conduct of their parents; especially their mother. Therefore, the mother should be careful about her conduct and actions. Her negligence may become the cause of her childs destruction. The behavior of the mother with her child should be like a close friend so that they could learn warm heartedly. Moral Talim is needed more nowadays then in the past years. It is the only healthy manner to explain the difference in between good and evil. It requires a healthy spirit, awareness, piety, chastity, honor, affection and etiquettes. Even if she has all these qualities, she may not be called a mother unless she acts accordingly and contributes for the children to the best of her ability.
A Hadith says:
Everyone is born on the Fitrah (nature) of Islam, but their parents make him a Jew, Christian, or an irreligious
Parents should know that their child, when born, is pure and innocent in nature, such as the nature made by Allah in which He has made a person. Let the parents be careful in how they deal with this pure nature! In other words, a child is like gold and a skillful goldsmith is able to mold this valuable metal in the best manner. Children, after a few years, will be masters of their own families and society, and it is time that we must realize that what kind of masters we want!
2. Responsibilities of Mothers:
Duty of mothers is not confined to providing food and clothes to children. A more important responsibility is to handle the children with kindness, love and affection. Otherwise they would face several mental problems. No doubt, the lap of a mother is the first training centre for a child, who learns morality and religion from her. This is a very serious responsibility. It is only the mother who can provide to the society a healthy and useful person. Punctuality in the observance of religious obligations and affairs also draw the attention of the children and they also inclined to follow it. Speak the truth and maintain equality among children to develop their habits unconsciously. It is a very bad habit of some mothers that they spend time with their children in totally unproductive activities. Fiction stories, mythological tales are not recommended. Mothers should encourage children to read the biographies of the great personalities of Islam. Inform them about important events and warn them against the consequences of disobedience to Allah. It will help them to build their lives in the Duniya and prepare their Akhirah. Undoubtedly the above-mentioned matters can only be taught to children when they are interested in them and are attracted towards them.
The best way to create interest in children is through the mother who can teach these mattes through various activities. If father is the fountain of protection, the roses of affection are easily available in the lap of mother. Mother is the name of that peerless training institution where both saintly as well as ill habits are nurtured. Islam presents an ideal institution of motherhood, from which every mother can learn. Yes, this is the institution of Umm ul Muminin, Syedah Khudaijah, who trained her daughter, Syedah Fatimah, as an ideal of motherhood, who in turn prepared her ideal children. Besides Imam Hasan and Imam Husain, her daughters Syedah Zainab and Syedah Umm-e-Kulthums contribution for the perpetual safety of Islam will always remain shimmering. It was the out come of the Talim & Tarbiyyah of their mother Fatimah that they fixed their glorious imprint in the history of Islam. When we hear these pious names we become very sentimental due to the great reverence, but we do not follow them by acts. We have forsaken our values, culture and civilization for the blind love of the western civilization. The parents, who are under the alien to Islam influence, have become unconcerned to the Talim & Tarbiyyah of their children. They assume that it is the responsibility of the maids, governesses or school-teachers. This responsibility appears quite insignificant to the westernized women in view of their so-called social activities.
3. Healthy activities:
The need of sport activities is a part of Tarbiyyah, which is necessary during childhood and perhaps this is why children naturally take more interest in extra-curriculum activities. Appropriate games make the child happy and a game without any movement or struggle is not good or beneficial. One of the ways to develop personality in children is the participation of parents in their games. When parents take part in such activities, the self-confidence of the children naturally develops. To make a child happy is a kind of Ibadah. Rasuullah (PBUH) says:
One who has a child should behave like a child in training with him.
4. Dont ignore dress of girls:
Today we are observing, everywhere that mothers or grand-mothers are modestly dressed and are often seen in Rida or Hijab while their daughters or grand daughters wear Jeans, Tights, T-Shirt or tight-shirts without Dupatta.. This changing social scenario makes us to think how and why these parents ignore the Talim of Quran & Sahib al Quran? Isnt it amazing that such parents while knowing the values of Islam allow their girls to wear ultra-modern dresses? This is a great problem, which is being faced by the Muslim world. The mother or grandmother is responsible for not reprimanding and teaching her daughter the values of dressing modestly. They will face the curse in this world as well as in the hereafter.
We need to change our own lives first, and work on a vision for the future. A man is a guardian over his family and shall be questioned about them (as to how he looked after their physical and moral well-being). A woman is a guardian over her husband and his children, and shall be questioned about them (as to how she managed the household and brought up the children). Our children are our best investment for the future of Islam As a Muslims we need to start taking this Amanah (trust) seriously and take responsibility through action. Insha'Allah.
5. Things to hand over to your child:
1. Knowledge of and love for Allah and the religion. This is one of the most precious and enduring gifts you can pass down to your children. It will benefit them in their life and the next.
2. No matter how little you have memorized the Quran yourself, pursue your child to memorize as much as possible. Encourage and help the kid to revise. It will allow them to have a good source of guidance in their life.
3. Sense of self-worthiness and self-esteem should be promoted. Make them feel secure in their identity and show appreciation. This will have a positive impact on future relationships and how one interacts with the world.
4. Try to teach Arabic, language of the Quran to your child, a key to understand the Quran. Also, if you have a mother-tongue or speak a second language yourself, pass it on: a second or third language is always an asset, whether in study, work or social environment.
5. Instill good housekeeping habits in all your children and encourage them to take pride in a neat and tidy home. Pass any tricks or shortcuts on so that your daughter is well-equipped when she has a home of her own.
Acquaint your child with a sense of strong roots and heritage by sharing your family background. Hopefully, the child will do the same with the next generation, Insha Allah.
6. Sense of modesty should be developed in a girl.
7. If you are an avid gardener, knitter or love painting, passes your skills onto your daughter. With so many traditional skills being lost in todays fast-speed world, you owe it to her to share your knowledge and pass it on to the next generation.
8. Teach your daughter cooking skills! Be it from a cookbook, an original recipe or passed down from your mother or even your grand-mother, we all have our own trademark recipes: pass them on to your daughter and encourage her to develop some specialties of her own.
6. Be vigilant on the activities of children:
There is a need for one of the parents to be the childrens friend, especially while living in the west. Meaning of friendship is to have a kind of relationship with the children, where parents discuss issues to them that are usually avoided. This attitude develops confidence in the children and they will approach their parents comfortably with questions. Normally it is the mother who can demonstrate the role of a friend. Usually the Mothers approach is friendlier rather than the fathers. Sometime children will cross over some limits of respect. It is advised that recognition of authority must also be established. The mother should consider following points:
1. Tone of the voice must not be harsh
2. Volume must remain under control
3. Words must be polite and respectful
Parents, who are not religiously strict later, face problems. Children are influenced by a wider range of factors other than the condition of their immediate family, friends and close community. It has always been hard to raise good kids, whatever the time and place.
In the current era, TV, Computer and Mobile are the source of destruction rather than achievement. It is better, if parents fix programs of TV for the children and has a password on computer; as well not allow them to use cell phones until the child goes to college. Parents used to review the literature, other then syllabus, just to make sure it didnt have anything inappropriate in it. This observation provides benefits to the kid in their later life. Younger siblings complain now of the strictness of parents, but Insha Allah, one day, they will see how it has made them better people.
I remember my paternal-grandmother was very strict about our daily Salaat where as none of my other class fellows had to go through that Restrictions but everyone in our surrounding appreciated and praised what my grandmother was doing.
Respect for parents is not taught in schools in west as it is in the east. In general, respecting the parents is considered a praiseworthy quality of eastern society, but in the west a child obedient/respectful to the parents can be teased among his/her friends. Perhaps due to this nasty culture, parents in the west get away with a formal relationship with their children, but in east it doesnt seem like the best option. Unfortunately in the east, due to cultural invasion of the west, we can see in the TV programs, children talking to parents in a disrespectful manner, addressing them in an angry, loud and harsh tone, assuming it to be normal. In some comedy programs even making fun of the parents is used as a comedy especially the programs geared towards teenagers.
Discuss things with your children in a manner that they feel comfortable, and answer the questions which they have. You will see that your child will grow very close to you after that discussion, Insha Allah. Judge the situation, if a child is not asking and is not so curious, and very small then there may be no need to bring up any sensitive issue, but if a child is a curious, his/her friends know about it (and especially if they go to school) then you might want to bring it up yourself and explain before they ask.
The Writer is Attorney at Law & Religious Scholar
Email:qazishkborhany@hotmail. com
Website: www.durrenajaf. com
